The wedding, though not ours was more stress than I ever care to see again. I've only been to a couple weddings barring my own. I feel married even though it was done in a court house. I'm glad I got married that way too!!
My son, (not kiddo's dad) however did have a big wedding. Prior to the wedding I stewed on where I'm going to get money to take a gift to the bridal shower and one to take to the reception. It simply wasn't happening. I told him I'm sorry but we've gone into debt to make sure he gets a paycheck, I simply can't afford two gifts.
Then, there was the rehearsal dinner that we were to pay for. All I knew was that it was for 17 to 20 people. Didn't know the date, didn't have a guest list to send invitations. Most certainly didn't have the money!! I did however scrimp and save for that dinner so we could do it.. all I needed was information but the bride handled that too.
In the midst of all this a credit card that was paid off... PAID OFF.. I had overlooked and the payment was ten days late. They knocked our credit limit to only one thousand dollars. This was the card I was going to use to pay for this dinner and we all needed new clothes since not one of us owned clothing for this kind of wedding. (my husband and I wore.. shorts!)
Two weeks prior to the wedding I was trying to get the house cleaned up and the Kiddo's room turned back into the guest room it's meant to be for my in-laws. Nobody told them that driving across country wasn't ideal at their age, so.. out they came for the wedding of their grandson, they stayed with us when we got married, they stayed with us when the other son got married and this time they'd stay with us. I love them to pieces and I'm always happy to have them here.. so that was cool and the Kiddo felt like sharing her room was important.
Also, the guest list for the wedding was another source of contention. It seems that when they had to shorten the guest list they scratched off anyone they had not heard from in a year. On the face of it this seems to make sense. However, when his uncle and one of my daughter's was scratched off the list I was more than miffed. I did not know my daughter wasn't invited and when she was at the hospital to see me when I had the stroke.. I asked her if she was coming to the wedding. "What wedding?" She was invited then and there but NOT her kids. They had to have 85 percent adults cause there was going to be drinking. One of my kids said.. can't people not drink for once and include family?? Grrrr.. isn't a wedding a family thing?
And, as for the criteria of contact in the last year.. I admit, his Uncle has appeared to have left the groom out of Christmas' and stuff. But ultimately we don't know why. What is apparent is that the groom dismissed his uncle because the uncle didn't call him but NEITHER did the groom to be ever try to contact his uncle. Phone goes two ways. The same with my daughter.. phone goes two ways.
Even so, if this was the criteria they used then it should be used upon themselves. Plus, wouldn't a wedding be a wonderful way to reconnect bridges rather than simply burn them? Two wrongs don't make a right and what happened to 'be the better man.' For weeks.. weeks.. I struggled with these things because to me it was inherently wrong to exclude family. But I also wanted to find a way to agree with my son and my husband.
My in laws, the groom's grandparents... Not just grandparents but he lived with them.. they raised him until he was seventeen. ( He's my step son.. and it was their choice to let him stay when we married.) So, this elderly couple that gave a lot of their YEARS for him drove out here and arrived a week before the wedding. He saw them for a couple minutes after work each day... the bride? She didn't call, see them, nothing until the rehearsal dinner. We stayed long enough to eat and be polite then we left since really attention was diverted elsewhere.
My in-laws were as involved as they physically could be. My mother in law fell in a hotel on the way here and hurt herself pretty badly but she was HERE bruises and all!!
Their other son.. , the excluded uncle, was called the day they arrived. He had to go out of town on business from Monday to Thursday. That left that first Saturday, Sunday, Friday and Sunday.. Four chances to call them or see them. More chances for his wife to perhaps call and visit with them. They had them over for dinner on the last Sunday they were here. I was deeply saddened by this.
Rehearsal dinner, all went okay but everyone in the wedding party was from her family it seems.. to include three children. Oh crap.. I know, I know.. it's the brides thing.. men don't care. Or so I get told but I do care about what I know will happen. The kiddo won't understand why there are kids up there and she can't be. Think fast! Oh yeah, and did I say Father's Day was Sunday?
I threw an idea past my mother in law.. if I have a question I always know I can go to her. "What if I make a flower thing for the kiddo to hold in her lap during the wedding. One for the groom and one for the bride. And then her job is to be in charge of these flowers and give them to the bride and groom at the reception.. good or bad?? Bingo!! It was thought to be a good idea so I went and spent more money, made up these flower gizmos and told the kiddo she was the first in a new tradition!! And we had peace!!
When my daughter asked what the flowers were for, my husband explained and she said.. "She's not in the wedding? That's just mean!!" I don't think my husband understands this.. to him, the wedding is totally the brides thing.
Okay, Kiddo now had new clothes, I .. after months finally had a dress. An ugly dress but it covered my leg braces. It was a gold color with glitter on it.. big, big mistake. Glitter is everywhere!! My husband broke down and bought a suit because three days before the wedding he was asked to light the unity candle... pick the altered suit up Friday evening.
Saturday, the day of the wedding my youngest daughter called and was angry. She was to pick the baby up at eleven.. but the father took the baby to Maryland. I'm trying to calm her down and get the kiddo to Tae Kwon Do to burn off energy. Come home and my other daughter called wanting to know if she can bring her son. The other kids were with their father. My husband called his son, the groom and he conceded that he could come. I'm trying to bathe the kiddo and youngest daughter called.. father of her baby is bringing him back so she's going to get him then she'll be here.
I finally jump in the shower before dressing the kiddo.. who's been bathed and is running around in clean underwear, a new (cheap) necklace, new sandals, a headband with pink roses on it to match her pink polka dot dress.. The dress was being saved for last minute cause I had to iron that sucker three times!!
Older daughter called again and asked please if her daughters could come. Again my husband called his son and again, there was a concession and three of her four children got to come to the wedding. Yeah!! My son got to my house in jeans and a shirt with holes in it. My husband turned him back to go change (outside events mean casual clothes apparently.) My husband would have bought him clothes if needed for the wedding but he thought he had clothes. My son went as far as Men's Warehouse and bought a suit, shirt and tie.. if you didn't look down at the tennis shoes he was actually rather handsome!
My oldest daughter came and my husband just shook his head.. he thought the way they were dressed is how they were going to the wedding and after sending my son to get different clothes here comes my daughter and her husband.. one or both in tie dyed shirts. But, they changed at my house. The kiddo's dress was thrown on, my husband was dressed and inlaws done.. and out came the glitter queen leaving gold glitter in her wake. That would be.. me. Never again!!
We were early, as children tend to do, my grandson started to run off toward the horses. My daughter, his mom, had shoes on that had pencils for heels. She tried to chase him but kept getting stuck in the grass. After many jokes about aerating their yard for them.. she took the shoes off. Her feet appreciated this too!
The wedding was wonderful. As if God watched upon those of us sitting outside in the hot sun a breeze picked up making the hot, humid weather a bit more tolerable. My son looked a combination of nervous and overwhelmed.. in his eyes, as she walked toward him she was gorgeous.
The time came for the father's to light the unity candle ( her mother has passed away so it was decided to have the father's do this.. ) and I know, I'm not polite. Well, give me credit.. I didn't say anything!! But I watched my husband, handsome as he is, walk up to light a candle to unite two families and all I could see was my husband, my son and a bunch of her family.. and I thought.. What a crock!!
That done and I was able to once again go back into the wedding mode and despite everything I've said, I am happy for my son. He was handsome, I saw for the first time, a hint of weakness when it came to her, oddly.. to me.. an admirable thing as perhaps he'll always defend her and stand by her side.
The reception we didn't stay at cause other than a few moments that my son came and talked to us we didn't see them. They weren't going to cut the cake for a few more hours either and already the day had been very long for my in-laws. My in-laws, my husband and I were all chased from the table we were sitting at.. Apparently the bride and groom and the bride's father as well as the bridal party got that table. I heard we were to sit there as well.
The grooms brother's and sisters were to sit behind us for the wedding but they were stuck in the back .. standing.
I THINK.. at the wedding there was approximately 200 people. I don't remember exactly. Out of those one or two hundred people only eleven people were from the grooms side. Of those eleven, only five were actually intended to be invited.
Then came Sunday. The bride and groom managed to come over for about forty five minutes to an hour to visit with his grandparents who raised him and drove 3,000 miles to see him get married. My husband sent him down to get two chairs so they had some place to sit. In the meantime I stood up and offered the bride MY seat on the couch and I sat on the floor. Once down, I wasn't getting up for a chair!! Yes, she took the offered seat with very little if any arguement.
I guess all said and done, the bridal shower my daughters weren't exactly invited. I was told they ran out of invitations and he didn't have their number. He knows he can leave me a message, and he does have my older daughter's phone number. So, two days before that they were invited by phone. They aren't stupid.
I was hit up too many times to count as to why they weren't invited. I was asked more than I cared to try and explain why the Groom didn't invite their uncle, who.. did I mention, had him in his wedding a few years ago? I, to be honest, understand that most of this is for the bride.. but parts of it should have involved us at least a little more. At least just enough so that I didn't feel like we simply had to show up with money.
There is good.. I swear there is... this wedding was a blessing. My son is happy and I'll be honest, if I.. ME was not the one being questioned with all the why's pertaining to this family being left out or excluded, if I wasn't on the receiving end of trying to come up with money that I won't spend on my own born children, and mostly if his grandparents hadn't come this far to see them and he not MAKE more time with them .. I might not be upset at all.
