Today has been just as bad. School was so-so but before and after school was horrible. My husband; after having heard me trying to get her to quit kicking me.. ME! He came up and tried once, then swatted her behind and just llike that she stopped. She is much stronger than I am so I was grateful for my husband's help.
Enter her mother. She's been here with me on the front porch and she standing out there in front of me, bluthering. Her words were not spoken with the same diction ( is that the right word?) that she normally uses. She normally whines but her words are never.. soft, mushy.. bordering on slurred to me. I know that makes no sense.
For an hour she tried to explain that she wants me to teach her... something. I'm still clueless as to what it is. She said she called the school to see if there was any volunteer work they'd like her to do and she said that they told her that we have pretty much volunteered for everything.
HUH??? What did I volunteer for??
I have but what school turns down a parent volunteering? None.. they need the help. Maybe she did call the school but sadly this wouldn't be the first time she has lied to me... so I remain suspicious of this.
There was more babbling on how two girls beat her up and she came to me when they were kids. I treated her better than her mom.. I took her in and treated her as one of my own daughters. I don't remember this specific time. She started in on her mother and the way her mother treated her. I recall, a long time ago telling her that her mother may have made many mistakes and maybe on grand scales but her mother has helped her where others wouldn't. She really should try to be more respectful.
Today I didn't say anything, I was flabberghasted because at some point she drew her sister into the conversation. Or tried to. She was trying to get her sister to back her explination of how their mother had treated them. There her sister was, younger than her too.. and with all the grace and tact in the world said she knew how their mother was and she was not discussing this right now.
I had tried to pull her sister into the conversation earlier in hopes that the sister could figure out what the kiddo's mother wanted me to do for her. She was just as lost as I was. The mother was saying she does stuff that I knew wasn't true.
She started in on saying that the kiddo tells her that her dad pays more attention to his car and his video games than to her. I told her she really shouldn't listen to a five year old. She said this several times and then one time she included work in it and I told her not to even go there. He does homework with her, he bathes her, feeds her and reads to her. He plays with her sometimes video games. And yes he deserves to have time to play his video games. But the car?? Here they have to pass emissions and safety inspections to register them. Every time he takes his car in it was getting failed. So he was several weeks trying to fix first one thing then another thing with money he doesn't have. ( she gets the child support out of him.. )) He NEEDS his car to get to and from work which keeps food and clothes on her back.
It just pisses me off big time to hear her say that and hearing how she's out at parties. Hellooo?? Is my son perfect? No, but he loves his daughter enough to do more than put a bunch of words out there and try to look good.
Then, she was going on and on cause last weekend, after the Kiddo had to have two adults restrain her in school, he made the Kiddo stay home and not go with the mom. It was a weekend for her to simply spend time thinking, and apparently discussing her behavior. And she was good.. then she saw her mom and her behavior went back downhill again.
He did not tell her all of what the kiddo did but the woman speaks in one sentence as if had he told her that she'd have understood and agreed then in another says my son is making her out to be the bad guy by not letting her see her daughter.
Actually, it is my son that will stand up and protect this woman's right to see her daughter. But he wants his daughter to learn, you simply cannot hurt people. The fact of the matter is that as it stands now, he keeps trying to keep the peace so the mother will leave his daughter with him. She has no fixed address at this point, it would be bad if she took the kiddo but legally she can. So, we all do things to keep the peace for now.
However, at some point you have to take a stand for the kiddo and say look.. she got in trouble, I don't want to let her do something of this magnitude and then ignore it so she can go see her mom. Nor should he have to get into it so much with the mother because really, the mom isn't there.. why make the few times she does see her mom times for the mom to have to discipiline her. But, I don't see how this makes the mother look like the bad guy.. if anyone looks like the bad guy it's my son, my husband and me because we all are disciplining her. Like me seeing my dad on Sundays. It didn't matter how angry he was with us, we were just happy to see him and he was happy to see us. If we did something wrong it was simply swept under the rug.
If she loses her daughter that's all she has. She's made mistakes and then she'd go back to bad talking my son. What kind of sane person bad talks a person to their mother? A mother that is helping to take care of their daughter? She wants me to help her.. "with what?" I want you to teach me.. "teach you what?" I want to just keep that structure in her life that you have. So.. what do you want me to do for you? HOw do you want me to help you??
Her sister had tried to tell her she was going to get in the car and go, she tried to tell her she was going to leave her, doesn't she want to see her dauaghter?
I tried to tell her that I wanted to talk to my son, I believe he has a normally good bed time for her but I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt her to go half an hour to an hour earlier. So, I started to bring that up cause it's getting late and the kiddo is sitting in the car.. and she interrupted me and started to tell me what a structured schedule she has for the kiddo... a child that doesn't live with her, but she has a bed time for?
I told her several times and I think I finally was upset enough that I was starting to yell.. at first it was, if you love your daughter then please, she's been sitting in the car waiting.. go spend time with her. Then I said that and added that it's almost her bed time. Then.. at the point I was getting upset, I told her that her sister doesn't have to do this for her and she's waited patiently for her, the kiddo has waited, if you want to see her then go spend time with her.
It just felt like she was trying to appeal to the mother in me in hopes that I'll make sure my son doesn't take the kiddo from her. But all she did was behave in such an erratic behavior that if a judge were to feel that my son isn't qualified to keep the Kiddo I asked my husband if we could take her.
A couple years ago, my son had a girlfriend and at the time the Kiddo's mom had left the Kiddo with my son. After a month he tried to get custody of her so the child support could stop, so the child would have a stable place to stay. The mother today said, his girlfriend was trying to take the Kiddo away from the mother. I tried to tell her she was mistaken in that. To which the mother said, "oh no, T hangs around with people that are my enemies and I hear alot of s..tuff." Picture me trying to process this? I don't figure we spend that kind of time talking to enemies? And.. do we take the word of enemies?
Then, I got to listen to how I had been good but other people in my son's life really messed him up. Surpisingly I don't think any of them messed them up as much as she did. I could be mistaken. She loves him and wants the family thing with him she just can't live with him. And.. if I understood her correctly she wants me to appeal to my son on her behalf?? I"ve hheard her holler at him and this was over the phone. It was shrewish! I've never hollered at him like she did. It was sad, and ugly and the really bad part was when he told me once that he could tell her she was beautiful and she'd find a way to argue about it.
I have wanted the Kiddo to be able to live with my son so she had stability.. a home to stay in. To learn some discipline and controlling herself. I never questioned whether or not her mother loves her.. and maybe I still don't but loving someone and being able to take care of a child are two vastly different things. Being able to take care of a child like the Kiddo.. the person that stood in front of me sometimes in tears, asking for something but i don't know what, who repeated herself then contradicted herself and had her child sit in a car for an hour while she did it.. she isn't able to full time give the kiddo the care she needs.
I'd worry about the kiddo too much. This was a woman either trying to use me for personal gain, or she's losing it. Either way, I told my husband that had her aunt not been there I would not have let the Kiddo leave with her mom.. this child's safety is more important than what her mom wants.. If her mom wants different then letting her child sit in a car for an hour and waiting on her wasn't a good start. Thankfully I could see the kiddo and the aunt could see her cause her mother sure couldn't!
And actually.. I think I got it wrong. I think the weekend he made his daughter spend home with him she tried to hit the teacher.. he kept her for the weekend.. that's right, it was THIS week she needed restrained by two adults.. my bad. It's hard to keep it all straight when someone is blabbering in front of you and you have no clue what they are actually trying to get at.
