I am never sure if I'm right or wrong. I only know I'm one or the other. That said...

The wedding, though not ours was more stress than I ever care to see again. I've only been to a couple weddings barring my own. I feel married even though it was done in a court house. I'm glad I got married that way too!!

My son, (not kiddo's dad) however did have a big wedding. Prior to the wedding I stewed on where I'm going to get money to take a gift to the bridal shower and one to take to the reception. It simply wasn't happening. I told him I'm sorry but we've gone into debt to make sure he gets a paycheck, I simply can't afford two gifts.

Then, there was the rehearsal dinner that we were to pay for. All I knew was that it was for 17 to 20 people. Didn't know the date, didn't have a guest list to send invitations. Most certainly didn't have the money!! I did however scrimp and save for that dinner so we could do it.. all I needed was information but the bride handled that too.

In the midst of all this a credit card that was paid off... PAID OFF.. I had overlooked and the payment was ten days late. They knocked our credit limit to only one thousand dollars. This was the card I was going to use to pay for this dinner and we all needed new clothes since not one of us owned clothing for this kind of wedding. (my husband and I wore.. shorts!)

Two weeks prior to the wedding I was trying to get the house cleaned up and the Kiddo's room turned back into the guest room it's meant to be for my in-laws. Nobody told them that driving across country wasn't ideal at their age, so.. out they came for the wedding of their grandson, they stayed with us when we got married, they stayed with us when the other son got married and this time they'd stay with us. I love them to pieces and I'm always happy to have them here.. so that was cool and the Kiddo felt like sharing her room was important.

Also, the guest list for the wedding was another source of contention. It seems that when they had to shorten the guest list they scratched off anyone they had not heard from in a year. On the face of it this seems to make sense. However, when his uncle and one of my daughter's was scratched off the list I was more than miffed. I did not know my daughter wasn't invited and when she was at the hospital to see me when I had the stroke.. I asked her if she was coming to the wedding. "What wedding?" She was invited then and there but NOT her kids. They had to have 85 percent adults cause there was going to be drinking. One of my kids said.. can't people not drink for once and include family?? Grrrr.. isn't a wedding a family thing?

And, as for the criteria of contact in the last year.. I admit, his Uncle has appeared to have left the groom out of Christmas' and stuff. But ultimately we don't know why. What is apparent is that the groom dismissed his uncle because the uncle didn't call him but NEITHER did the groom to be ever try to contact his uncle. Phone goes two ways. The same with my daughter.. phone goes two ways.

Even so, if this was the criteria they used then it should be used upon themselves. Plus, wouldn't a wedding be a wonderful way to reconnect bridges rather than simply burn them? Two wrongs don't make a right and what happened to 'be the better man.' For weeks.. weeks.. I struggled with these things because to me it was inherently wrong to exclude family. But I also wanted to find a way to agree with my son and my husband.

My in laws, the groom's grandparents... Not just grandparents but he lived with them.. they raised him until he was seventeen. ( He's my step son.. and it was their choice to let him stay when we married.) So, this elderly couple that gave a lot of their YEARS for him drove out here and arrived a week before the wedding. He saw them for a couple minutes after work each day... the bride? She didn't call, see them, nothing until the rehearsal dinner. We stayed long enough to eat and be polite then we left since really attention was diverted elsewhere.

My in-laws were as involved as they physically could be. My mother in law fell in a hotel on the way here and hurt herself pretty badly but she was HERE bruises and all!!

Their other son.. , the excluded uncle, was called the day they arrived. He had to go out of town on business from Monday to Thursday. That left that first Saturday, Sunday, Friday and Sunday.. Four chances to call them or see them. More chances for his wife to perhaps call and visit with them. They had them over for dinner on the last Sunday they were here. I was deeply saddened by this.

Rehearsal dinner, all went okay but everyone in the wedding party was from her family it seems.. to include three children. Oh crap.. I know, I know.. it's the brides thing.. men don't care. Or so I get told but I do care about what I know will happen. The kiddo won't understand why there are kids up there and she can't be. Think fast! Oh yeah, and did I say Father's Day was Sunday?

I threw an idea past my mother in law.. if I have a question I always know I can go to her. "What if I make a flower thing for the kiddo to hold in her lap during the wedding. One for the groom and one for the bride. And then her job is to be in charge of these flowers and give them to the bride and groom at the reception.. good or bad?? Bingo!! It was thought to be a good idea so I went and spent more money, made up these flower gizmos and told the kiddo she was the first in a new tradition!! And we had peace!!

When my daughter asked what the flowers were for, my husband explained and she said.. "She's not in the wedding? That's just mean!!" I don't think my husband understands this.. to him, the wedding is totally the brides thing.

Okay, Kiddo now had new clothes, I .. after months finally had a dress. An ugly dress but it covered my leg braces. It was a gold color with glitter on it.. big, big mistake. Glitter is everywhere!! My husband broke down and bought a suit because three days before the wedding he was asked to light the unity candle... pick the altered suit up Friday evening.

Saturday, the day of the wedding my youngest daughter called and was angry. She was to pick the baby up at eleven.. but the father took the baby to Maryland. I'm trying to calm her down and get the kiddo to Tae Kwon Do to burn off energy. Come home and my other daughter called wanting to know if she can bring her son. The other kids were with their father. My husband called his son, the groom and he conceded that he could come. I'm trying to bathe the kiddo and youngest daughter called.. father of her baby is bringing him back so she's going to get him then she'll be here.

I finally jump in the shower before dressing the kiddo.. who's been bathed and is running around in clean underwear, a new (cheap) necklace, new sandals, a headband with pink roses on it to match her pink polka dot dress.. The dress was being saved for last minute cause I had to iron that sucker three times!!

Older daughter called again and asked please if her daughters could come. Again my husband called his son and again, there was a concession and three of her four children got to come to the wedding. Yeah!! My son got to my house in jeans and a shirt with holes in it. My husband turned him back to go change (outside events mean casual clothes apparently.) My husband would have bought him clothes if needed for the wedding but he thought he had clothes. My son went as far as Men's Warehouse and bought a suit, shirt and tie.. if you didn't look down at the tennis shoes he was actually rather handsome!

My oldest daughter came and my husband just shook his head.. he thought the way they were dressed is how they were going to the wedding and after sending my son to get different clothes here comes my daughter and her husband.. one or both in tie dyed shirts. But, they changed at my house. The kiddo's dress was thrown on, my husband was dressed and inlaws done.. and out came the glitter queen leaving gold glitter in her wake. That would be.. me. Never again!!

We were early, as children tend to do, my grandson started to run off toward the horses. My daughter, his mom, had shoes on that had pencils for heels. She tried to chase him but kept getting stuck in the grass. After many jokes about aerating their yard for them.. she took the shoes off. Her feet appreciated this too!

The wedding was wonderful. As if God watched upon those of us sitting outside in the hot sun a breeze picked up making the hot, humid weather a bit more tolerable. My son looked a combination of nervous and overwhelmed.. in his eyes, as she walked toward him she was gorgeous.

The time came for the father's to light the unity candle ( her mother has passed away so it was decided to have the father's do this.. ) and I know, I'm not polite. Well, give me credit.. I didn't say anything!! But I watched my husband, handsome as he is, walk up to light a candle to unite two families and all I could see was my husband, my son and a bunch of her family.. and I thought.. What a crock!!

That done and I was able to once again go back into the wedding mode and despite everything I've said, I am happy for my son. He was handsome, I saw for the first time, a hint of weakness when it came to her, oddly.. to me.. an admirable thing as perhaps he'll always defend her and stand by her side.

The reception we didn't stay at cause other than a few moments that my son came and talked to us we didn't see them. They weren't going to cut the cake for a few more hours either and already the day had been very long for my in-laws. My in-laws, my husband and I were all chased from the table we were sitting at.. Apparently the bride and groom and the bride's father as well as the bridal party got that table. I heard we were to sit there as well.

The grooms brother's and sisters were to sit behind us for the wedding but they were stuck in the back .. standing.

I THINK.. at the wedding there was approximately 200 people. I don't remember exactly. Out of those one or two hundred people only eleven people were from the grooms side. Of those eleven, only five were actually intended to be invited.

Then came Sunday. The bride and groom managed to come over for about forty five minutes to an hour to visit with his grandparents who raised him and drove 3,000 miles to see him get married. My husband sent him down to get two chairs so they had some place to sit. In the meantime I stood up and offered the bride MY seat on the couch and I sat on the floor. Once down, I wasn't getting up for a chair!! Yes, she took the offered seat with very little if any arguement.

I guess all said and done, the bridal shower my daughters weren't exactly invited. I was told they ran out of invitations and he didn't have their number. He knows he can leave me a message, and he does have my older daughter's phone number. So, two days before that they were invited by phone. They aren't stupid.

I was hit up too many times to count as to why they weren't invited. I was asked more than I cared to try and explain why the Groom didn't invite their uncle, who.. did I mention, had him in his wedding a few years ago? I, to be honest, understand that most of this is for the bride.. but parts of it should have involved us at least a little more. At least just enough so that I didn't feel like we simply had to show up with money.

There is good.. I swear there is... this wedding was a blessing. My son is happy and I'll be honest, if I.. ME was not the one being questioned with all the why's pertaining to this family being left out or excluded, if I wasn't on the receiving end of trying to come up with money that I won't spend on my own born children, and mostly if his grandparents hadn't come this far to see them and he not MAKE more time with them .. I might not be upset at all.

First time I've posted today. Not much to say as I've spent most of my time with family. I hope all are well and for the moment the big news is... Kiddo goes for her White belt tomorrow!

Is it the 17th yet? iPhone's update comes out then and I am hoping to do the one thing I've missed being able to do.. sending and receiving pictures from my husband's phone and sons. At least I can hope..

I am proud to be an American.. I know. What a topic change there! That said, perhaps I am proudest most because I can come here and complain that the President is spending way too much money and leaving the citizens of the country to flounder. I am able to say that I really hate this feeling that we as a nation are becoming more and more vulnerable to attack and it worries me that our President seems to be looking for some naive ideal what life should be with regard to our relations with other countries rather than what it actually is. I can't say right now if he's right or wrong. All I know is how often we were bombed before, and the anticipation of what our future holds.

What EXACTLY is being done about Korea and Iran and their nukes? Are we threatening sanctions if there is no talk of peace? If I take everything away from a person they have nothing left then why wouldn't they go ahead and attack? Sadly with something even deadlier. Keep in mind as I type this it has been several days since I've watched the news.. I'm on a mission.

Get ready.. I'm surly to become very unpopular here.. Call me funny but I'd like to think we are American's. We may come from African decent or Hispanic decent.. in my case, apparently Polish but we are American's. I do not feel a need to hyphenate Polish-American. (Okay.. the Polish thing is a funny story.. I'm still very much a Heinz 57 variety type.. you know.. American. You can still be proud of your heritage and not be a hyphenated American.

More unpopular.. why is it okay, illegal but simply accepted that a group of hispanic men gather at a store, going so far as to even set a bed up.. I do not lie.. and hang out but when I sit in a parking lot and talk with a friend I ran into the police come and chase us off because it's illegal? We aren't bothering anyone trying to buy a cup of coffee, we aren't making a mess.. we are .. talking. Heck, we didn't even set up a bed behind the store!

A quick review.. the kiddo's mother was adament that she rode the bus to get to my house. My son's ex girlfriend 'happened to pass by and see her and pick her up. So, she was here with someone she wasn't supposed to be to pick the kiddo up.

The other day my son was going to take the kiddo to go visit with her mother. I was meaning to ask him where she lived as in.. does she live with her mother? That same guy? You know, what are the mother's living arrangements is what I meant. It was actually idle chit chat mostly...


Perhaps I worded it wrong, perhaps he misunderstood but he answered.. "about a four minute walk from here.. (my house.)" So.. I'm thinking, with two leg braces I could walk the kiddo to this house to see her mother. What my husband pointed out later when nobody was around.. was how interesting it was that she had to take a bus to get here. And, I'm guessing there really aren't bus stops close enough unless they've changed the bus routes alot! Even still.. you'd walk further than that to ride the bus.

Something seems... very, very fishy here.

OH!! In fact, I think I remember what the conversation revolved around. Apparently by last Friday they were both to have taken the drug and alcohol tests.. They had fifteen days. My son was ready to take them but they had worked till six for several days in a row. Then he got the drug test first chance he could but the alcohol one was going to be a hundred dollars for a doctor to write a prescription plus the cost of the blood test. All of this is paid for by my son.. for the mother too. So rather than him get it as soon as possible he waited so i could try and find a place that wouldn't charge so much. And.. I did.. bingo! Forty bucks for the alcohol test.

The day I found it he went and it was a breathalyzer test so he ended up going back to the first place and paying a hundred bucks for the prescription. Friday evening he took the kiddo to the movie and I guess the mother called him while at the movie.

Saturday morning he had to work, he called me and asked me to give the kiddo money for the test and he'd pay me back. I took the kiddo to Tae Kwon Do and we were back by 10:30 am.. there was no message, no call on caller ID.. Finally at 12:10 p.m. I called both labs that we know would do the test and they were closed. I hope she doesn't expect my son to drop work and go pay for the tests on Monday.

I imagine she's waited long enough that if she does nothing she'll test clean. Guess this will prove interesting since the court might find it interesting that without a job she couldn't find time to go. If at any time she had tried to go my son would have told her I'd pay for it since he's responsible and he can pay me back so that is NOT an excuse for him to stop work nor is it a reason for her to have delayed the test.

D-Man!! Helloooo!

Meet my friend.. the person that has most encouraged me to accomplish that which I was sure I couldn't. A man that has listened to me vent, complain and whine.. been there through good and bad. Someone that was also there when I needed someone to lean on.

Our children have grown. He's heard me.. well, perhaps I should rephrase that as it's always been online.. he's read of my troubles with the Kiddo's dad when he became a teenager and now I am happy to see he read that my son has, on his third attempt been successful in gaining his daughter with the hopes that it will be permanently settled in July.

He helped me bust my youngest daughter when she was online in the middle of the night and he was there with encouraging words as she tried to make it through school to be a medical assistant. And she did.. with Honors.

I have cherished his friendship, we can argue and still remain friends.. afterall.. a difference of opinion need not be the end of a good friendship.. any friendship. However; untimely crashes with the internet a couple times did leave one or the other a bit worried.

He's one of the most creative and best writer's I've come across..

And...
He plays drums!

So.. we went for about two weeks last month when she knew her mom went to jail (though that was for five days) and her behavior was awful. It improved finally then the temporary custody hearing and it was like both her and her dad had the weight of the world lifted off them.

Today she had a complete melt down in school. She's been here with me since 10:00. She's done nothing but .. sit. No television, reading, no playing nothing. Well, she's playing with her shirt. She; despite being "grounded" seems.. happy.

Now, here's the thing.. she put pencils in her pocket. The teacher most understandably wanted her to take them out because they are sharp and didn't want the Kiddo to get hurt. Kiddo wasn't complying and the tantrum started. I imagine it was not pleasant because really.. children do at times still have temper tantrums. By the kiddo's age they should be far more rare.

So.. what's up with the kiddo? The only thing I can figure is that I can remember several times that my son said he was going to pick her up from her mom because the mom couldn't handle her. This started at two or three. For a time she lived with my son while she was three and I noticed no unusual problems.

When she went back to her mother then in time it started again.. my son would pick her up because the mother couldn't handle her. School started and it was horrible. I wouldn't leave the house to go to doctor appointments or shop because I didn't know if I'd be called to please go get her. I do however leave the house now and am generally comfortable with the knowledge that she'll be fine.

Over time the tantrums have become further apart. They have become generally less violent and for the most part could be handled in school and after the blast was past the day resumed as normal. Today I don't think it was violent so much as out in the hall disturbing other classes.

When I got there.. the teacher was sitting with her and rubbing her back and wiping her nose for her. Even promising that tomorrow is another day. I love this teacher.. she's got the patience of Job but in this case, a little ignoring goes a very.. very long way. When I mentioned it to the principle she said the Kiddo was going to hit her head. So, I guess I understand but you know.. that just makes it worse.

So, then I'm in a quandry because ultimately we've been working on giving her a life time of behavior lessons quickly. She'll have set backs. She's learning she can't have every thing she wants but these pencils she wanted with her ... forever.

Gone are the days in school where the principle could just pick you up and stick you in a corner.. all they can do is call me. Oh.. dare I say my principle spanked? If she saw disappointment from the adults in the school instead of coddling.. I wonder if she wouldn't settle down? The last time she did get brought down by two adults.. that pretty much ended the tantrum and she was fine.

I'm at a loss.. is it something I'm doing wrong? My son is doing wrong? Though he grounded her for the weekend the last time and she was an angel for nearly two weeks! She hates being grounded or in time out.

Or is that as Saturday nears and she's allowed to go visit her mother she can feel the tension. The court put stipulations on visitation. One was who the kiddo could leave with.. she can't even take her on a bus. But of course the last time the mother came here with my son's ex girlfriend to take her. And yes the mother argued until I relented so the Kiddo wouldn't have to be witness to this. So, Saturday comes tomorrow and if my son has to work then the mother will pick her up from me and don't want to go through this again.

The mother didn't raise her voice or cuss.. I perhaps raised my voice but I was getting frustrated because not even me saying.. "You are asking me to break a court order.. " Not even that backed her off.. so now I am already skittish at what tomorrow will bring. I worry because no matter what happens.. the mother will argue with my son and that takes it's toll on him.. it's just waayyy too much drama for me.. Just do what's best for the kiddo.

Today is a good day.. I've things to do and errands to run. I have no idea why I'm sitting here other than this is the first chance I've had to have a hot cup of coffee. I believe I'll do that and wish you all a good day too.

Perhaps I'll have time and topics to write about later. I think it's hard to go back to writing about those topics that interest ME.. instead of kiddo journal.

On that topic.. let me add so I remember... The mother's mother couldn't have the Kiddo over on Saturday. Which means the Kiddo's mother wouldn't be able to see her on Saturday.. so she suggested to my son that there is a carnival in town.

Before anyone thinks ill toward her other grandmother.. please keep in mind, it's not nor should it be her responsibility to make sure a mother gets visitation with her daughter. They have a life to live and shouldn't have to drop everything. They got put in that position because my son was asked an unexpected question... who would he authorize the kiddo leaving with so she could visit her mother. He named the Kiddo's aunt.. which kindof put her on the hook to taxi for the mother and the kiddo.. not her job, not her responsibility.

He took them to said carnival and as he told me.. got robbed. HUH??? Tickets are ten bucks for ten tickets and it takes for to five tickets to ride a ride. Tell me those people aren't making some money! I know they have considerable expenses though.

Anyway, he spent the rest of the weekend with the Kiddo at home and this morning I had to bath her so she was really moody about getting up fifteen minutes early. I finally picked her up and put her in the tub clothes and all. At some point it was as if she was ready to quit having the tantrum but now felt obligated to keep going as if she MIGHT win.

That said, she was bathed, hair washed, dried, and combed.. teeth brushed and dressed within 25 minutes and filled with hugs and smiles. Success!! She turned herself around. I am sure getting dumped into the tub, clothes and all might have helped?

UUUHhhh... this was originally email so I wrote it differently than I might have if mail had gone to those it was intended for... so I deleted the post. I prefer to leave the names off to protect the innocent.

Long and short.. my son was granted temporary custody of his daughter and it's doubtful when they have the final hearing on July 22 that he'll lose her.

He's back to calling her "Beautiful" he's just a different person.. I'm so happy for them both! Thank you all for your constant presence and reassurance! You've no idea how it's helped to hold us all together and keep our eyes on the prize.. which was the Kiddo and a good life for her.

He's excited to quit paying child support as now he'll have money to put her in after school activity or two.. find something she's successful at to counter act the past years and the learning disabilities. He'll also have money to help me buy some things to try and teach her over the summer and get her caught up.

God does truly answer prayers .. and watch out for little girls!

Today was a hard, hard day. Today the mother was served with papers to appear in court on Wednesday for the custody hearing. Finally my son will have his day in court on behalf of the kiddo. I say finally but he's done this before.

This time she was left with him for a couple months while the mother did .. who knows what? But as I recall it did include concert, hair getting done and the like while he, yes, at his time too.. paid child support and supported his daughter. Two weeks after she was served she showed up with the police to take his daughter from him. At this time the mother's mother drew the the back to her house and everything was hunkey dorey as far as the judge was concerned. The kiddo now lived with her mother in the grandmother's house.

This time she only has two days to find a home, to come across as if she's the perfect mother. Maybe not perfect but as if she deserves to keep the child. And, my son is worried about two things. For one that she will come take his daughter. That's his biggest fear right now. That she'll take the kiddo away, which she legally can because until this is settled she still has legal physical custody even though the Kiddo has lived in his house for a year.

The other is a fear that the mother .. to get him back will try for more child support if the courts go in her favor. But, I'm not going to entertain that because I believe the judge will surely look at the idea that this isn't the first time, that his daughter has improved under his car until the mother got busted for drunk driving.. she's been acting up since then or rather since she had to spend time in jail, that the mother has been taking child support and not having the child, that she got a DUI which leaves her with no means of transportation for her child since she has no lisence now, the mother doesn't know how her daughter is doing in school, she doesn't know what grade she'll be in when school starts next year, how about she has no home. You get the idea but I've digressed..

Originally, my son was going to have her served in court today but she didn't go. I'm not so sure she had to go?? Anyway, so he arranged for her to come to my house. He told her I had to go to the doctor. The person doing the serving came, I left to go pick the kiddo up from school and my son and husband remained here.

Apparently she didn't even make it to the yard. The man gave her the papers and I guess she turned back to the van and sat down and started crying. I don't know .. I wasn't here. Now, tomorrow if she doesn't bring the police to my son's house, then I'll take her out with me shopping and stuff. She bit someone in school.. good all day till the last hour.. and I think there is another kid in there that she really needs pulled away from. Anyway, a part of me feels so very bad on so many levels.

I can't imagine loosing my child. But, even my husband pointed out that I always took care of my children. They didn't go live for a year with their dad they lived with me. I felt very bad for the Kiddo because even though we don't speak of this in front of her, there are times when she sneaks in and over hears conversations, or we think we are speaking cryptically and she surprises us by understanding. Or perhaps it has something to do with her mother over here drunk the other day and part of what she said was that she didn't want to lose her daughter. ( So, you are here.. drunk??) Anyway, one has to wonder if the tension and stress we've been under deciding to do this, deciding how, when, and then coordinating.. even if she heard nothing, how much of our stress does she feel?

I feel worse for my son. He didn't want to do this. He wants to do right by his daughter but to do this hurts her mother. He doesn't like hurting another person. There are things he simply won't do and I admire him for that but in the process things happen that shouldn't happen because he won't tell another the bad parts of another person, he won't speak ill of another and now he's put in a position that he must. Oh, he'll talk to us but tell a teacher some of the things one needs to let a teacher know so that they are aware things are up with the Kiddo? He can't do that. He can tell me the mother is using drugs but not the teacher. So to do it with the end result to take her child.. he's hating this.

So, we have to get through nearly 48 hours before we know if he's got temporary custody. Hopefully to result in a few months in permanent custody. He may reconsider if her mother were to straighten up, especially considering he never wanted to take her daughter from her. She has Rh- blood. He THINKS she can't ever have another child. He did not want to do this. But he can't sit back and watch his daughter go the road she was headed.

Guess I'll quit writing.. usually it's cathartic for me to write but this time nothing is getting easier, I'm not getting any pearls of wisdom to give him, I'm getting nothing.. nix, nada, nothing. This is simply.. ugly.

Yet as ugly as it is my husband assures me our son is doing the right thing if our grandaughter is to have a chance at life. And that precious angel deserves that much out of one of her parents.. a chance at life.

Two or three weeks ago I believe it was, the kiddo's mom went to jail. She was sentenced to 90 days in jail with 85 days suspended. Did I post all this? Kiddo somehow knew this and has been on a downward spiral since then. Last week I had to pick her up from school early, it took two teachers to restrain her to get her to stop hitting a child.

Today has been just as bad. School was so-so but before and after school was horrible. My husband; after having heard me trying to get her to quit kicking me.. ME! He came up and tried once, then swatted her behind and just llike that she stopped. She is much stronger than I am so I was grateful for my husband's help.

Enter her mother. She's been here with me on the front porch and she standing out there in front of me, bluthering. Her words were not spoken with the same diction ( is that the right word?) that she normally uses. She normally whines but her words are never.. soft, mushy.. bordering on slurred to me. I know that makes no sense.

For an hour she tried to explain that she wants me to teach her... something. I'm still clueless as to what it is. She said she called the school to see if there was any volunteer work they'd like her to do and she said that they told her that we have pretty much volunteered for everything.

HUH??? What did I volunteer for??

I have but what school turns down a parent volunteering? None.. they need the help. Maybe she did call the school but sadly this wouldn't be the first time she has lied to me... so I remain suspicious of this.

There was more babbling on how two girls beat her up and she came to me when they were kids. I treated her better than her mom.. I took her in and treated her as one of my own daughters. I don't remember this specific time. She started in on her mother and the way her mother treated her. I recall, a long time ago telling her that her mother may have made many mistakes and maybe on grand scales but her mother has helped her where others wouldn't. She really should try to be more respectful.

Today I didn't say anything, I was flabberghasted because at some point she drew her sister into the conversation. Or tried to. She was trying to get her sister to back her explination of how their mother had treated them. There her sister was, younger than her too.. and with all the grace and tact in the world said she knew how their mother was and she was not discussing this right now.

I had tried to pull her sister into the conversation earlier in hopes that the sister could figure out what the kiddo's mother wanted me to do for her. She was just as lost as I was. The mother was saying she does stuff that I knew wasn't true.

She started in on saying that the kiddo tells her that her dad pays more attention to his car and his video games than to her. I told her she really shouldn't listen to a five year old. She said this several times and then one time she included work in it and I told her not to even go there. He does homework with her, he bathes her, feeds her and reads to her. He plays with her sometimes video games. And yes he deserves to have time to play his video games. But the car?? Here they have to pass emissions and safety inspections to register them. Every time he takes his car in it was getting failed. So he was several weeks trying to fix first one thing then another thing with money he doesn't have. ( she gets the child support out of him.. )) He NEEDS his car to get to and from work which keeps food and clothes on her back.

It just pisses me off big time to hear her say that and hearing how she's out at parties. Hellooo?? Is my son perfect? No, but he loves his daughter enough to do more than put a bunch of words out there and try to look good.

Then, she was going on and on cause last weekend, after the Kiddo had to have two adults restrain her in school, he made the Kiddo stay home and not go with the mom. It was a weekend for her to simply spend time thinking, and apparently discussing her behavior. And she was good.. then she saw her mom and her behavior went back downhill again.

He did not tell her all of what the kiddo did but the woman speaks in one sentence as if had he told her that she'd have understood and agreed then in another says my son is making her out to be the bad guy by not letting her see her daughter.

Actually, it is my son that will stand up and protect this woman's right to see her daughter. But he wants his daughter to learn, you simply cannot hurt people. The fact of the matter is that as it stands now, he keeps trying to keep the peace so the mother will leave his daughter with him. She has no fixed address at this point, it would be bad if she took the kiddo but legally she can. So, we all do things to keep the peace for now.

However, at some point you have to take a stand for the kiddo and say look.. she got in trouble, I don't want to let her do something of this magnitude and then ignore it so she can go see her mom. Nor should he have to get into it so much with the mother because really, the mom isn't there.. why make the few times she does see her mom times for the mom to have to discipiline her. But, I don't see how this makes the mother look like the bad guy.. if anyone looks like the bad guy it's my son, my husband and me because we all are disciplining her. Like me seeing my dad on Sundays. It didn't matter how angry he was with us, we were just happy to see him and he was happy to see us. If we did something wrong it was simply swept under the rug.

If she loses her daughter that's all she has. She's made mistakes and then she'd go back to bad talking my son. What kind of sane person bad talks a person to their mother? A mother that is helping to take care of their daughter? She wants me to help her.. "with what?" I want you to teach me.. "teach you what?" I want to just keep that structure in her life that you have. So.. what do you want me to do for you? HOw do you want me to help you??

Her sister had tried to tell her she was going to get in the car and go, she tried to tell her she was going to leave her, doesn't she want to see her dauaghter?

I tried to tell her that I wanted to talk to my son, I believe he has a normally good bed time for her but I'm thinking it wouldn't hurt her to go half an hour to an hour earlier. So, I started to bring that up cause it's getting late and the kiddo is sitting in the car.. and she interrupted me and started to tell me what a structured schedule she has for the kiddo... a child that doesn't live with her, but she has a bed time for?

I told her several times and I think I finally was upset enough that I was starting to yell.. at first it was, if you love your daughter then please, she's been sitting in the car waiting.. go spend time with her. Then I said that and added that it's almost her bed time. Then.. at the point I was getting upset, I told her that her sister doesn't have to do this for her and she's waited patiently for her, the kiddo has waited, if you want to see her then go spend time with her.

It just felt like she was trying to appeal to the mother in me in hopes that I'll make sure my son doesn't take the kiddo from her. But all she did was behave in such an erratic behavior that if a judge were to feel that my son isn't qualified to keep the Kiddo I asked my husband if we could take her.

A couple years ago, my son had a girlfriend and at the time the Kiddo's mom had left the Kiddo with my son. After a month he tried to get custody of her so the child support could stop, so the child would have a stable place to stay. The mother today said, his girlfriend was trying to take the Kiddo away from the mother. I tried to tell her she was mistaken in that. To which the mother said, "oh no, T hangs around with people that are my enemies and I hear alot of s..tuff." Picture me trying to process this? I don't figure we spend that kind of time talking to enemies? And.. do we take the word of enemies?

Then, I got to listen to how I had been good but other people in my son's life really messed him up. Surpisingly I don't think any of them messed them up as much as she did. I could be mistaken. She loves him and wants the family thing with him she just can't live with him. And.. if I understood her correctly she wants me to appeal to my son on her behalf?? I"ve hheard her holler at him and this was over the phone. It was shrewish! I've never hollered at him like she did. It was sad, and ugly and the really bad part was when he told me once that he could tell her she was beautiful and she'd find a way to argue about it.

I have wanted the Kiddo to be able to live with my son so she had stability.. a home to stay in. To learn some discipline and controlling herself. I never questioned whether or not her mother loves her.. and maybe I still don't but loving someone and being able to take care of a child are two vastly different things. Being able to take care of a child like the Kiddo.. the person that stood in front of me sometimes in tears, asking for something but i don't know what, who repeated herself then contradicted herself and had her child sit in a car for an hour while she did it.. she isn't able to full time give the kiddo the care she needs.

I'd worry about the kiddo too much. This was a woman either trying to use me for personal gain, or she's losing it. Either way, I told my husband that had her aunt not been there I would not have let the Kiddo leave with her mom.. this child's safety is more important than what her mom wants.. If her mom wants different then letting her child sit in a car for an hour and waiting on her wasn't a good start. Thankfully I could see the kiddo and the aunt could see her cause her mother sure couldn't!

And actually.. I think I got it wrong. I think the weekend he made his daughter spend home with him she tried to hit the teacher.. he kept her for the weekend.. that's right, it was THIS week she needed restrained by two adults.. my bad. It's hard to keep it all straight when someone is blabbering in front of you and you have no clue what they are actually trying to get at.