Tricia.. I'm sorry. Holidays tend to make our loses so vivid and every person deals with it differently. No matter, allow that and use it as a reminder to cherish each moment you are gifted with your own children and husband and other family members. I did read back in your blog too and immediately missed my own kids being here doing the sibling/teenager things. On the plus side.. (and there is a good side to everything. Sometimes it's just harder to see..) We can come and go now as we please. In fact, we can do what we want, when we want and how we want BUT... yes, there's always a "But" too... we have to keep the door locked. Afterall, it is still their home and they never knock!

Shannon, I'm sorry your life is what it was but it's your choice now how you make it for the remainder of your life and all those children in your future. Unfortunately it doesn't always include those we want it to but we try. Always remember this one thing... unless your aunt walked in your shoes can only try to understand what life was like for you. Perhaps it's not even your fault that distance has grown between you and your aunt. Sometimes it's how they themselves deal with their own part they played in another's lives. First she has to believe what happened to you. If she doesn't.. it'll put distance there. If she Does, perhaps you are a reminder that in her eyes, she didn't do enough for you without ever realizing she gave you hope. And then again.. people do drift apart. This is a good time to try to rekindle that same closeness but in truth it will always be different. You aren't a kid anymore. Everything is different when you grow up. Everything.

And to my original comment... I say, Spammers Unite! Then collectively go jump in a lake and leave us alone!

In as much as I say I'm glad my children have grown and moved out I'm confronted with an evil truth. There is NOBODY to take to see Santa Claus. This year is harder than previous ones because even all the grandchildren are living in their own homes and not here. Last year I had one living with me and three others staying with me.

St. Niklaus Tag, Dec. 6th, came and went and there were no little shoes being scrubbed and filled with food for reindeer before bed the night before, in hopes of awaking to shoe filled candies, small token gifts or worse... a brand new switch for parents to use to help keep the youngster better behaved. Usually, it was just a small combination of both. Candy glued to sticks, a reminder that while you weren't perfect you tried hard.

No sloppy wet snow boots and gloves scattered through the house. Actually, this is a good thing yet for some reason I miss it. Probably because what went with that mess was the sound of giggling children playing in the snow while I watched through the window. In the comfort and warmth of my home. Did I ever say, I hate snow?

Christmas Eve was a time for stories. Cookies milk and letters for Santa.. Thanking him since it was a given he was coming, good or bad..were written. Both Christian and Santa Claus stories were told. This one night, as you tucked children in, eyes closed immediatly in hopes that Santa would come quicker if they just fell asleep but for us, it became a flurry of activity. Stockings were stuffed, presents were dragged out of various hiding places and tucked under the tree. Someone drank some of the milk and took bites out of cookies. I always wrote something back on their notes trying to write different from my own writing.

One year we lived in a house with a fireplace. I even made ashy footprints, I DON'T advise doing this! but there were footprints coming out of the fireplace.

Now, presents get wrapped and there is no hiding.. just put them under the tree when I get it up. Hope I get it up sometime this year. People will come by at different times. Milk and cookies will be done elsewhere .. maybe. One of my kids had decided they didn't want their children to think there was a Santa Claus. Of course, to those it's not about the holiday or everything behind it.. it's all about the gifts. I feel bad for my son doing this because he's missing so very much, his children missing so much more.

For now, if you see an old couple watching while your child is sitting on Santa's lap.. don't be alarmed. They are only, in that moment living a lifetime of memories.

That was the plan.

I was laughing at something on the television.. I don't remember what all I remember is the sound of brakes and I thought somebody really needed to slow down. About that time they slowed down all right.. briefly cause I heard the crunch. Did I give my husband a gentle shake or just whack him awake? I don't remember. "Someone hit something out there."

At the time, I didn't give thought to what but was anyone hurt? I threw flannel pajamas on and by the time I got outside there were several people out there. All of them neighbors but no crunched car which meant no injured passengers or driver in the car. At least..not still there. I could leave the phone in the house but why were they all gathered in front of our house?

It seems, whoever hit whatever turned out to be one of our work trucks. The skid marks extend beyond our neighbor's home which suggest the driver was speeding and lost control of the car. So, he or she hit a parked truck. There is a wicked evil part that is at least satisfied that if he's going to hit and run then at least his vehicle has suffered more damage than ours. But there is still the over riding worry that someone was hurt and are they okay.

Once it all sank in, I looked once again at the gathered group of people. You can tell who had been in bed and who hadn't. It's cold out there and there was not one that took the time for a coat. Some were dressed as if they'd never been to bed. There was at least one with no shirt even they all just hurried out and were all discussing what happened. Unfortunately nobody saw it to even know what kind of car it was.

The skid marks leave enough of a story to suggest the driver side missed the majority of the impact so I hope he didn't have a passenger in the car. Now, to find out if any unseen damage was done and if so.. does it raise one's insurance when someone hit your truck while you were inside sleeping? Probably because I believe insurance rates are based on claims you make and not fault.

There is another overwhelming feeling of relief that the person driving like an idiot did so at night when there where no children out playing.

UPDATE: Seems the driver and his dad came here earlier and spoke to my husband. The son fell asleep at the wheel and by the time he woke up it was too late, he was going too fast and lost control. He didn't know what to do cause it was so late so called his dad. My husband told the young one that since he came and did as a man should do, he'd not make a claim nor sue. Neither the young man nor his girlfriend were hurt but his car was messed up pretty badly. His dad said he was pretty scared and suspects this won't be happening again. I hope not.. he was lucky this time.

The hours wore on as did hunger and frustratration with people cutting us off, and just generally forgetting they aren't the only person floating around in the cosmos. We stopped to get some dinner ...our last stop finally but right across from the restaruant was one last store he wanted to check after we enjoyed our meal.

He found his treasure, something he didn't know I had already been aware of and planned to get him for Christmas. No matter; my list for him this year was a long one. Not only was the exact item less money there but the lady in line ahead of him assurred him that she had one and he'd love it. He smiled and said something.. I have no idea what but she started to do as we all do and once again turn back to minding her own business as she waited in line but as if a second thought she asked him if he had a coupon.

No, we had one sitting at home as a matter of fact but we hadn't planned on coming to this store. She dug through her purse and found an extra coupon and gave it to him. It didn't cost her anything. It saved us 20% but more than that it reminded a man who so often runs into people that are quicker to be rude than they are to be kind that in fact, there are so very many people out there that know the value of a good deed.

I wish we knew her name but we don't. That one simple gesture meant more than any amount of money he saved. I wish instead of being so stunned we'd had a better chance to thank her before her turn in line came. We'll just do as we always do.. and instead of pay her back her kindness we'll pass it on to someone else.

Perhaps you too will luck out with such kindness and then return it in kind to someone else. Sappy? Perhaps but wouldn't it be such a better place if we all did that??

...........................NOT!, and I mean.. NOT! EVER AGAIN give me a nasty sigh when after you say,

"But Ma'am, isn't it worth your time to spend fifteen minutes for a free quote to see if we can save you money?" To which I answer, "No, I believe I've tried to politely tell you that THREE times now!"

Any way you cut the mustard, I am the potential customer and you are intruding on my own home, time and priorities.

I'll hand you this one, it was calling for our business which IS untfortunately still allowed to happen. But ... Oh for Pete's Sake.. now another one. She's polite. Forced to be courteous while she tries to convinve me I have a free trip to Hilton Island. She was, afterall... a recording. Where is that zapper gizmo?

Aren't our judges supposed to ENFORCE the law?

Anyone I have ever known to be arrested for drunk driving was given a test of one sort or another over the years. If you did not pass this test you were arrested and would go to court. Nobody EVER questioned the constitutional rights of the drunk driver, you went to court and faced the judge and got whatever fine he handed down to you.

I suppose the presumption of innocence is almost gone when you have been caught with your hand in the cookie jar. This did not mean you couldn't hire a lawyer and attempt to have your fine reduced, even give proof that you weren't drunk if in fact you weren't. You DO go to court but paramount you simply don't drink and drive. There are laws and a court system to uphold the laws to the benefit of our communities. All traffic violations as far as I know, you are given a ticket for what you were doing because you were CAUGHT doing it.

So now, we have a judge who's thrown out five drunk driving arrests in a week because it is his belief that the current laws are unconstitional. The way the current laws are written there is, for lack of a better way of wording it, a presumption of guilt until proven innocent. On the face of it, I would agree with the judge but we aren't talking about someone arbitrarily pulled over, ticketed and assigned a court date for drunk driving we are talking about people that did something that gave a police officer reason to pull the driver over. We are talking about a person that a police officer tested and a driver that did not pass the drunk driving tests. Where is the possibility of being innocent in this?

So.. in one week five people were let back out on the streets to drive drunk again because they don't appear to have the right to be presumed innocent until proven guilty. What happened to our right to drive on SAFE roads. What happened to the citizens right to know that our legal system will protect those of us that choose NOT to break the law? What happened to our right to know someone that will drink and get in a vehicle, thusly taking the risk of turning that vehicle into a deadly weapon, will have his/her right to drive revoked and keep our streets safe?

However unfortunate I know far, far too intimately the hazards of people driving drunk. I hope someone wakes up and puts a stop to this judge before someone is.... killed.

The other possibility is the babysitter. Will she willingly go and testify as to how long and how often the baby was left in her care for weeks at a time. My daughter knew the babysitter in school so she's thinking maybe she can get somewhere positive with her. Hoping. The mother of my grandaughter used to be my daughter's friend when they were in school... my guess is my daughter CAN maybe find out from people willing to testify as to the care the child receives... particularly the instances the mother gets drunk and drives with the baby in the car. Or.. drug use which might incur drug testing. They know of one instance but the person serving drinks is the mother's cousin so getting her to testify is going to be hard if they even can. The other times are rumor from one person to another and they don't know who would be an acceptable witness to those events. Drunk driving with the baby in the car would be enough to get my grandaughter safely back in my son's care. Hopefully a cop pulls her over before something worse happens.

So, that's where he stands now. I hate this. It would be so much more comforting if we knew the mother actually cared for her beautiful little girl..