"I really need to start remembering to put my inhaler in my pocket if I don't carry my purse."

I am not sure how many times I'll say this before I actually start to remember it. But, as I had a hard time breathing, (which before March 2009 was something I thought all people had a problem with on hot humid days) I was reminded of something else that I'd read (not all asthmatics wheeze) and before my husband every really responded to one sentence I was on to the next.

"In fact, I had never recalled wheezing which is something I get asked about. Not only that, heck if I know what wheezing sounds like!"

My husband asked if I'd ever heard someone that had been running and when they stop they ... at which point he demonstrated wheezing.

"That's not wheezing! Everyone does that. I used to do that all the time when I ran before they made me quit." This was in high school when I was ranked number one in Cross Country running.

The look on his face was comical. As if a lightening bolt struck him while questioning if perhaps his wife had lost all of her marbles. "Did you hear everyone else doing that?"

"Of course not! I couldn't hear over myself but they were all breathing heavy and some were walking around holding their sides as if that would help that stitch in their side go away." Even at an age when I needed the adults around me that might know better didn't suspect anything was wrong. That was at over 30 years ago. No, longer than that because I've always.. always done it.

Someone asked me how I went so long without knowing I had asthma but before I said anything he answered his own question; "Unless you though that was normal."

Now, I get it. If as a child nobody was concerned then clearly I was okay.. then, when a doctor suggested I have asthma and need to see a doctor for it, a person I trusted, a person that I understood to have had asthma told me that's B.S... I don't have asthma. So, even then I continued to ignore it.

Right now I feel like someone kicked me in the chest but I know it'll pass. Have used the emergency inhaler twice today. By tomorrow I'll be fine.. think I'll forgo a ride on the motorcycle though.

There was a time when I was certain that I did not want anyone telling me how to live. I wanted to be free to make my own choices, [admittedly they weren't all smart.] I wanted the freedom to make my own mistakes for my stupid choices. [ Lot's of hard knocks!] I was basically anti government, anti war, and anything else that would hinder me from living my life as I saw fit.

Time and perhaps wisdom has tempered many things. I understand that in some things there must be a set of rules we must all follow. A prime example is that if there were no driving laws or rules to guide us, we simply wouldn't be able to drive safely through an intersection. Oh, believe me, at the time I didn't think we should have these rules even for driving! I did not drive at the time either.. so what did I know?

Now I understand why there is a need for some basic laws and rules. We all need guidance from time to time. Avoiding catastrophic chaos is a good thing.

However, while I can see a need for our government to make laws and rules at least to a certain extent I do believe our current President is going way, way too far. As I understand it, if you do not buy medical insurance, you will be charged a hefty fine. Now, I can't say I'm entirely convinced of this medical plan.. it seemed to me rather Utopian but be that as it may, I wasn't going to put the stamp of socialism on it. I wanted to be fair.

Then, came mention of people that don't have insurance pay a fine. Uhm.. now the government is going too far. Medical insurance is not a RIGHT. Free speech is a right. Medical insurance is something you handle as you are fiscally able to. Medical insurance is one of those things that you can financially afford if you aren't about to have your car repossessed and the house foreclosed on. I, ME.. in conjunction with my husband want to determine if having a roof over our head is more important than medical insurance.

I think what riled my hackles more than anything was reading posts that other people made regarding business' providing insurance. I don't think the government should tell me how to run our business. I know if we were required to pay for medical insurance our business would go under. We simply couldn't afford it right now. But it wasn't just that this possibility exists it was reading those people's posts that seem to think employers SHOULD provide medical insurance.

The government, in my own opinion which [doesn't have to agree with everyone.. I'm okay with differeing opinions] is starting to get it's hands way too far into my business. Personal and otherwise. In doing so, it's also creating a large population of people that feel entitled to something without the hard work that goes along with it. The hands are starting to stick out for that free handout and I find that disgusting. What happened to working for what you have earned?

All that said I do know there are people that through no fault of their own do need help from those that can better afford it. I also know that we as a nation don't mind helping those that try to help themselves. Look at the amount of money donated for MS, Breast Cancer, all cancers for that matter. And in doing so, I donate an amount that my husband and I determine based on our financial situation at any time, how much if any to donate. Our money doesn't go to John Smith, it goes to a group of our choosing that we believe is most likely to help others. I would sure hate for that option to stop because we are helping other people because it's REQUIRED to.

I guess the most important thing I see being lost is a sense of self responsibility, and in being responsible for yourself... a sense of self worth. Don't let the government, don't expect the government to do for you what you CAN do for yourself.

Now.. I believe I go put on a Bob Dylan album.. and relax.

I am still waiting news on my aunt. So far I think she's had two mild strokes and her left arm was starting to give her trouble. At least.. I THINK that's how it is.

Now, I don't know if she's had any more strokes in the past day or not. I apparently had two strokes.. and regained almost all of my vision. If her strokes are affecting her arms I'm guessing she's having them in a different part of her brain.. and I am hoping that no news is good news. I also hope that like me regaining the majority of my vision .. she too will regain anything she loses during this time. In the meantime I still pray.

On another note I really have to wonder.. did anyone think McNair was shot by anyone other than the woman he was with? Two shots to the head and two the chest and she has one shot and her body was found on top of the gun. Police have now confirmed that the woman shot him then herself.

It is said that she thought he was going to leave his wife. Folks, it's a very rare thing that a person ultimately leaves a spouse. So, when that topic comes up it's probably a wise choice to reconsider the relationship and move on long before you are so desperate you will take a person's life and yours too. Really, did you think that would get you an eternity together? If it does I'm sure it isn't quite as pleasant as you anticipate; so date eligible people and for the love of Mike don't shoot them! You just leave your family with a very ugly legacy and accomplish nothing more.

I am sorry we lost Michael Jackson. My own opinion, not that it's of any significance is that he was, despite what people say.. wierd. BUT.. BUT, I hold those in his life, those closest to him (excluding children of course since they've no means to understand what is going on.) I think those surrounding Michael Jackson did him a terrible, terrible disservice. We watched him change over the years and those of us out here couldn't do anything about it. Did anyone think at any time that perhaps the man needed an intervention of some kind? Doesn't anyone say, "Dude, ya know.. this is kinda freaky and maybe you need to see a doctor." Or did people simply pad their wallets off of his eccentricities? If you were close to him and you turned a blind eye or even gave only half an effort then you let another human being down. And that is wrong.

I hope, following his death and Heath Ledger's death and to all those that have gone before.. even Elvis Presley that somehow we also find a way to hold doctor's accountable for what they prescribe. I never thought I'd want medical information online but you know, if it's online then doctors would know what is going on with a patient. A person wouldn't be able to go to multiple doctors and multiple pharmacies to get what they THINK they need. And in a case such as that I guess it's hard to hold a doctor liable. But if the same doctor is giving a person more medicine than a person should have then I DO believe those doctors should be held accountable. The patient is desperate to stop pain, or sleep or what ever it is he complains about. A patient doesn't know how drugs interact with each other.. but the doctor does and to we need to find a way that we stop this for all the Michael Jacksons, Heath Ledgers and Elvis Presley's in the world.

Some of my own thoughts.. not always popular opinions but .. eh.. I respect your right to disagree with me and I'll love you just the same.

Dear God, I am not talking to you for myself. Well, I reckon I should be honest since it is You I'm talking to.. maybe a little bit for me but mostly for my cousins.

I don't presume to know what is best for my aunt but I do know she can't keep having strokes. I do know that if you felt a need to take her she has my uncle waiting there for her. But you see, my cousins haven't even healed from the loss of their dad. They can't lose their mom too.

She's my aunt. In the grand scheme of things that's trivial compared to her children. I lost my uncle and aunt and for most of my adult life couldn't see them. I am grateful this woman managed to find me before my uncle died. I'm grateful I was blessed with time with both of them.

When my uncle died, did You hear her God? She asked me if she'd still be my aunt. She always was my aunt even when I couldn't find her. I love her, and I love them.. my cousins so please, if you could see fit to heal my aunt and give my cousins more time with their mom I'd be so very grateful.

As You already know, I know how much it hurts; I know how profoundly lonesome you can feel when your parents are gone. It was a joke I thought but maybe there was a hint of the fear I myself felt when I had said I was an orphan. Maybe deep inside it wasn't a joke. I'm an adult, I have a husband and children and grandchildren but let me be honest for another moment. I felt robbed, I felt like an orphan and it was my aunt that said I'd never be without family.

I would miss her deeply but please God, don't do this to them.. not yet. Give them time with their mom. Just.. please.. and thank You for listening. It's Just Me Talkin' God.. and I know You know who I am.

First time I've posted today. Not much to say as I've spent most of my time with family. I hope all are well and for the moment the big news is... Kiddo goes for her White belt tomorrow!

Is it the 17th yet? iPhone's update comes out then and I am hoping to do the one thing I've missed being able to do.. sending and receiving pictures from my husband's phone and sons. At least I can hope..

I am proud to be an American.. I know. What a topic change there! That said, perhaps I am proudest most because I can come here and complain that the President is spending way too much money and leaving the citizens of the country to flounder. I am able to say that I really hate this feeling that we as a nation are becoming more and more vulnerable to attack and it worries me that our President seems to be looking for some naive ideal what life should be with regard to our relations with other countries rather than what it actually is. I can't say right now if he's right or wrong. All I know is how often we were bombed before, and the anticipation of what our future holds.

What EXACTLY is being done about Korea and Iran and their nukes? Are we threatening sanctions if there is no talk of peace? If I take everything away from a person they have nothing left then why wouldn't they go ahead and attack? Sadly with something even deadlier. Keep in mind as I type this it has been several days since I've watched the news.. I'm on a mission.

Get ready.. I'm surly to become very unpopular here.. Call me funny but I'd like to think we are American's. We may come from African decent or Hispanic decent.. in my case, apparently Polish but we are American's. I do not feel a need to hyphenate Polish-American. (Okay.. the Polish thing is a funny story.. I'm still very much a Heinz 57 variety type.. you know.. American. You can still be proud of your heritage and not be a hyphenated American.

More unpopular.. why is it okay, illegal but simply accepted that a group of hispanic men gather at a store, going so far as to even set a bed up.. I do not lie.. and hang out but when I sit in a parking lot and talk with a friend I ran into the police come and chase us off because it's illegal? We aren't bothering anyone trying to buy a cup of coffee, we aren't making a mess.. we are .. talking. Heck, we didn't even set up a bed behind the store!

D-Man!! Helloooo!

Meet my friend.. the person that has most encouraged me to accomplish that which I was sure I couldn't. A man that has listened to me vent, complain and whine.. been there through good and bad. Someone that was also there when I needed someone to lean on.

Our children have grown. He's heard me.. well, perhaps I should rephrase that as it's always been online.. he's read of my troubles with the Kiddo's dad when he became a teenager and now I am happy to see he read that my son has, on his third attempt been successful in gaining his daughter with the hopes that it will be permanently settled in July.

He helped me bust my youngest daughter when she was online in the middle of the night and he was there with encouraging words as she tried to make it through school to be a medical assistant. And she did.. with Honors.

I have cherished his friendship, we can argue and still remain friends.. afterall.. a difference of opinion need not be the end of a good friendship.. any friendship. However; untimely crashes with the internet a couple times did leave one or the other a bit worried.

He's one of the most creative and best writer's I've come across..

And...
He plays drums!

UUUHhhh... this was originally email so I wrote it differently than I might have if mail had gone to those it was intended for... so I deleted the post. I prefer to leave the names off to protect the innocent.

Long and short.. my son was granted temporary custody of his daughter and it's doubtful when they have the final hearing on July 22 that he'll lose her.

He's back to calling her "Beautiful" he's just a different person.. I'm so happy for them both! Thank you all for your constant presence and reassurance! You've no idea how it's helped to hold us all together and keep our eyes on the prize.. which was the Kiddo and a good life for her.

He's excited to quit paying child support as now he'll have money to put her in after school activity or two.. find something she's successful at to counter act the past years and the learning disabilities. He'll also have money to help me buy some things to try and teach her over the summer and get her caught up.

God does truly answer prayers .. and watch out for little girls!

What kind of mother kicks her children out of the car? This is an all important and newsworthy question it seems. For me, it's a diversion from the swine flu, the economy that is clearly tanking, and heaven only knows what other newsworthy stories. Afterall.. I think this is an idiotic story.

In an effort to get away from her two daughter's bickering kicked them out of the car. A 10 and 12 year old were left to walk three miles home. Or, so they thought. Apparently the mother did in fact drive back to pick them up however, the ten year old had been picked up by a stranger and taken to the police.

I find it interesting that my own mother kicked us out of the car in some state.. Oklahoma maybe? But of course she didn't drive off because the walk home was more than three.. since we lived in San Diego. Had we only been three miles from home we'd have been left to walk home. And truth be told we deserved it!

See, here's the thing. Nobody, but nobody would have arrested the mother, this would not have been newsworthy if these children WANTED to walk that far to visit a friend. It was; near as I can tell; a familiar area. The children drove the mother crazy and rather than be a nervous upset driver who is more prone to cause an accident, she followed through on a threat. YES! Someone that is teaching their children there are consequences. How refreshing!

I don't know about you but I don't think it would have been quite so effective to tell a child that I'm kicking you out, you will have to walk home but hey! don't worry cause I'm going to drive around and make sure you are okay or pick you up. That last part you just do without telling them ahead of time. It ruins the effect so you simply meander through and make sure they are okay.

I've done the same thing. The only difference was that my kids knew to stay together cause they were too busy debating on whether or not I was going to come pick them up. Which, just like this lady, I did pick them up.

What people need to focus on is that those children, or perhaps someone else's could have been hurt or dead with a mother driving children in a car that wouldn't listen. It frazzles the nerves, when nerves are frazzled you either take a move to rectify the cause or you pray you won't make a stupid mistake. Her children were safer walking than in a huge vehicle with a frazzled person at the wheel.

Our parents did this stuff.. their parents did worse. It's about time we get on with figuring out what child abuse and neglect is and what is stretching it. Period. We are raising a generation of pansies.

And while I'm at it, the person that authorized the photo shoot of the plane over Manhattan should be FIRED. Not asked to resign, not a wrist slap.. nothing, just.. Fired. That was absolutely assinine, and borders on cruel. I understand wanting pictures but photoshop works great. And I bet the citizens and people working in Manhattan would have understood too if they had been told instead of it being kept a secret that only law enforcement knew about... was totally assanine.

This government will announce information that seems to me should be classified but doesn't announce that they will be taking pictures so when you see an airplane where it shouldn't be, please don't panic. How is that more secret than other stuff?

I told my husband that it said President Obama didn't know it was going to happen and my husband pointed out something, to which I agree, President Bush was held accountable and blamed for everything, as were past presidents. The fact is, they are the leader of the country and even if he didn't know, didn't agree to this, someone in his administration did and "I'm sorry" simply doesn't cut it with me.. not when you can see people trying to run away in fear. The buck does stop with the President.. period.

I just re-read the last post and I'm not sure but it sure seems to put my husband in a bad light. Not my intention cause actually he's quite the opposite.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you he walks on water, cause he doesn't but he does have patience with me. Trust me.. I am hard to live with too. He simply doesn't blog about it.

Just always read what I write with the idea that there are two sides to every story.. cause to be honest he's to me.. The best.