I only have from now until April to get all the needed paperwork handled to take to the tax man AND.. get the house back in order before my sister in law comes. Well, not back in order but finish the various aspects of home imporvement we have going on.

To perhaps put a hint of understanding on why it would need finished allow me to explain. My husband is a contractor. By day he builds cabinets, trims houses or installs kitchen cabinets. He's pretty good at his job too. And.. at the end of the day, he's ready for a break, not to come home and do more of the same work he's been doing. If we had the space though he would love to rebuild a Mustang.

I understand this concept well as I was once married to a mechanic and our cars were always in need of repair but he'd have rather worked on other projects on his time off.

But, now, it's HIS sister coming. That silver tape holding up the tile that started to fall out in the bathtub has got to go!!

With that said I must take my own blame in the delay of remodeling the bathroom. Do you know how many options for tile there are? Smooth, rough, rustic, bordered, mosaic, ceramic, baked, earth tones, pictures and even murals out of tile. It's enough to make one's head spin! Finally, the other day I found some tile I like so maybe we can begin that project soon. Oh, wait.. the current hang up is the handicaped bar issue that I'm fussing about.

Then, there is the living room. Anyone that has ever done this kind of remodelling knows you must also replace drapes, furniture, accents and possibly wall hangings. I narrowed down the paint choice to two colors that I need to put test squares up so I can see how they look during various times of day and changing light before deciding on the right one. Then of course, do I want chair rail or not? Yes. Well, if you do, it will need a piece over on a wall that looks like the chair rail will meet at the center of the door. Goofy..So.. I say.. No I don't want chair rail. "But, I'm putting it in all the other rooms are you sure you don't want it in here?" At this point I'm really wondering why he asked me.. just finish it. The chair rail is laying under the couch. On the wall would be nice. But then, I see him drifting off to some much needed sleep and I lose all desire to argue the issue. He works hard, he needs his rest. Chair rail is trivial.

Of course, the beginning of all projects like this is the purging of the old to make room for the new. That, which is also my part, is the hardest. As I look at the shelves directly in front of me I have a hodge podge of things. Ceramic clowns I painted. A Jack in the Box bobble head thing. Someone stole the first Jack in the Box(fast food restaurant they don't have out here.)head off my car antennea so I keep the other one on the shelf too. I have a couple beer steins from my years in Germany, a Lionel train clock, a cup my daughter made, and another cup given to my younger daughter when she graduated. I have a jewelry box my husband helped my daughter make one Mother's Day. A model train engine and some books. Thankfully this mess is in our bedroom but it's a hint of a representation of how our home is... filled with things that all seem to reflect our family.

Maybe therein lies the answer so to speak. Why remodel at all? Just dust and sweep and keep our house a home. A place filled with the reminders of the children that have grown. Afterall, even if we get all finished I can tell you what would happen. One day, my husband would be bored and he'd start all over again until work picked up again. Then, we'd be once more in the middle of remodeling again and quite frankly, it's way too many decisions for me!!

My husband says I'm cheap. Maybe he's right. Or.. maybe old habits die hard.

I lived in Germany as a military dependent for ten years or more. During that time there were certain things that were rationed. Coffee was one of those rationed items. I did not waste it because once I bought my share and my ex-husband's share for the month it was all we could have.

So, if coffee grounds made their way in to the pot of coffee did I throw it away? GADS NO!! What a waste of something I might run out of!! So, I learned early in life the value of filtering a pot of coffee that others might consider ruined and throw away.

But, filter it with what? A paper towel works best and they weren't rationed. However, if there was a dock strike, we would be without simple things like paper towels. Trust me I know from first hand experience so.., I take one, filter the coffee as I pour it into the cup and keep the paper towel set neatly on a small plate waiting to filter the next cup of coffee.

I have been back in the states for over 15 years. One would think I'd let old habits die. But I don't. I nurse everything. That cup of coffee I so carefully filtered is nursed until it's cold. Thank whomever above guided the person that invented the microwave. I no longer have to throw a cold cup of coffee away, I can.. NUKE it!

I'm heading off now to re-heat a cup of coffee.. hope any who stop by here have a good weekend.

The question offered.. Who invented the odometer?

The answers offered.. A. Ben Franklin, B. Henry Ford, C. Thomas Edison and D. I forgot who..

Of course you have to wait until after the commercials to find out the answer and apparently some more news. It took very little for me to decide that Henry Ford invented the odometer. After all, he did build a car. I have heard that he started out making a clock. Judging by how many vehicles I've been in that had the correct time something tells me, Henry Ford did a much better job with the car.

Ben Franklin invented it, originally for use on horses and carriages. There's your trivia for the day.

One of the news topics was the use of blogs by teenagers. Not so much the use of them but the content. I am at odds with myself on this topic.

Blogs, by their very nature, are not at all very private. Add pictures and believe me, not all of them are appropriate, not all of the topics are appropriate but... they ARE writing. If they visit their friend's blogs they are reading too. We may not like what they have to say but reading and writing are subjects our children certainly can benefit from.

That said, I am grateful my children are now grown because I don't exactly have to decide this anymore. You see, I believe there are topics that are appropriate for public forum. We as adults use blogs and have some clue as to the possible ramifications of anything we put on our blog for the world to see. In that world, we must remember that not all people have the best of intentions. Our children don't necessarily even consider what other people are thinking when they read their blogs.

That babbling kindof brings me to another question. What IF.. the same child kept his/her writing into a pen and paper type journal that nobody had access to? Truth be told I wouldn't care in that case. Putting your words, your thoughts, your feelings to paper seems safer. John Q. Public can't get ahold of it and if you decide a year later that you regret what you wrote you can destroy it with nobody ever having seen it. Just because you delete a post, even an entire blog doesn't mean it's not out there somewhere.

Wouldn't it be just so much easier if we didn't have to worry about the other guy.. and what he/she might do with information gleened from a child's blog. Because all said and done, I am all for children of all ages reading and writing anything they want to because it makes for a far more literate person to do so.

Several Weeks Before Christmas

This time of year excites me to no end and even before Halloween decorations come out I'm already anticipating the time with the kids and grandkids.

I started shopping literally weeks ago. It won't hurt the wallet so bad if I spread this out.. right? Wrong. Trying to make sure everyone has a wonderful Christmas STILL hurts the wallet no matter how much you try to spread it out, and might make it worse. Afterall... there is a difference between what you spend in a few stores over a one week period of time as opposed to every store you have stepped foot in the past several weeks.

11 Days Before Christmas

"Mom I hope you don't mind but I'm not coming down for Christmas day. Do you think we can have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve?" I told her I didn't know, didn't plan to cause I can't contact everyone else while I'm on the phone with her. But, it would be nice if we could get everyone together .. but.. it's Christmas Eve, NOT Christmas.

Kid 1.. Okay, but he won't have his daughter with him till noon on Christmas day so he'll come both days, no problem.

Kid 2.. Phone's busy

Kid 3 .. Why is he not exactly giving me an answer? Then getting an attitude? Oh, but according to everyone else he isn't getting an attitude, and I just want a yes or no answer.

10 Days Before Christmas

Call the daughter that wanted it all changed to Christmas Eve and can't get ahold of her. She hasn't paid her phone bill again.

10 Days Before Christmas

Still can't get ahold of her but left a message with her significant other.

9 Days Before Christmas

This is getting frustrating trying to get ahold of her and by now my house looks trashed but packages are getting wrapped.

8 Days Before Christmas

Pack up and go clear to another state to get a gift for our youngest daughter.. it's become tradition.

6 Days Before Christmas

Youngest daughter calls..."Mom, can you babysit your grandchildren today?" (oldest daughter's kids) Uhm.. I'm not even home yet but will be in a few hours. I've got their presents all scattered to give it all one last go over and make sure it's all fair. I'm ill equipped to babysit on last notice. I'm sorry and I don't really want the youngest to babysit cause of the open present issue. Couldn't we have given me more notice? What's going on? "Dad, (I divorced this man.) wants Karen to come down and go shopping for her kids for Christmas." So... why can't his new wife babysit? Oh yeah, I know they make too much noise they are afterall children.

5 Days Before Christmas

STILL CAN'T Get Karen on the phone.. why won't she call me back?

4 Days Before Christmas

"Oh Mom, you said you were having dinner on Christmas so I told Dad I'd go there to eat." Funny, I recollect doubting I'd change but she should get back with me. Funny, I recollect spending weeks shopping for her kids and wrapping presents for her kids and her Dad, who is usurping her one evening down here, made her drive two hours down here to shop for her kids and then wrap the presents. Don't ask me why he can't manage this himself. I'm angry.. she's angry ..everyone's angry, Merry Fuckin' Christmas

3 Days Before Christmas

"Mom." My son says. "Can you babysit tonight cause Dad said I have to go shopping and wrap Lily's presents or he's just giving money." Uhm.. She's two. I don't have toys here for her, at least, not toys that aren't wrapped. He's worked all day hanging cabinets and now has to shop? I'd have to babysit while they go to Walmart then come back to his dad's house and wrap everything. And, no problem about dinner, he'll just go to his dad's house on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day.. a couple hours, with us. Then he has to go see his significant other's father, come home and go to bed cause he has to get up and go two hours away to hang cabinets the day after Christmas. When, significant other's mother is coming down.

Other son is willing to change days but looks rather disgusted and I don't blame him since he and his roommates have planned Christmas dinner. And, finally my youngest calls back and is just plain pissed off cause it keeps changing. She too has another in her life she's trying to accomodate. And why didn't her dad invite her to dinner? In fact, my son only said he was going cause Karen said she was.. I'm not so sure he was invited either.

That son called and told me I don't have to babysit cause they are going tomorrow night.

Tomorrow is just two days before Christmas. My ex husband not only hasn't shopped but left it lay in my son's lap whether his daughter gets a Christmas gift from her grandfather.

I can't do this anymore. My current husband and I spend a lot of time to make sure they all have a wonderful Christmas. We manage to shop and wrap and clean and make messes and clean some more. We cook, we clean more, we decorate and everything. We also end up alone and it's pointless to keep this up.

Everyone is angry with me cause I either didn't accomodate them... or, tried to accomodate them and everyone had to change plans too. Then, after we all accomodated, she'd made other arrangements and blamed me, when I couldn't call her cause you have to pay your friggin' phone bill or they shut that stuff off! This all is my fault how?

For the first time I don't look forward to Christmas. It's hard on the kids to have to come here and go to see significant other's family and then.. you know that man who gets their birthday cards to them three months later? He makes them come do his part of Christmas. It can't keep up like this or they won't enjoy Christmas. So, as of three days before Christmas 2005 I have cancelled Christmas 2006.

I have blogs I go to that I read. I can't comment anymore, I presume because they too have been hit entirely too many times by spammers so they've shut comments down to Blogger only people. I understand the need to do this. I just wonder sometimes if there wasn't a better way than to cut off those that care but happen to come from a different blogging service.

Tricia.. I'm sorry. Holidays tend to make our loses so vivid and every person deals with it differently. No matter, allow that and use it as a reminder to cherish each moment you are gifted with your own children and husband and other family members. I did read back in your blog too and immediately missed my own kids being here doing the sibling/teenager things. On the plus side.. (and there is a good side to everything. Sometimes it's just harder to see..) We can come and go now as we please. In fact, we can do what we want, when we want and how we want BUT... yes, there's always a "But" too... we have to keep the door locked. Afterall, it is still their home and they never knock!

Shannon, I'm sorry your life is what it was but it's your choice now how you make it for the remainder of your life and all those children in your future. Unfortunately it doesn't always include those we want it to but we try. Always remember this one thing... unless your aunt walked in your shoes can only try to understand what life was like for you. Perhaps it's not even your fault that distance has grown between you and your aunt. Sometimes it's how they themselves deal with their own part they played in another's lives. First she has to believe what happened to you. If she doesn't.. it'll put distance there. If she Does, perhaps you are a reminder that in her eyes, she didn't do enough for you without ever realizing she gave you hope. And then again.. people do drift apart. This is a good time to try to rekindle that same closeness but in truth it will always be different. You aren't a kid anymore. Everything is different when you grow up. Everything.

And to my original comment... I say, Spammers Unite! Then collectively go jump in a lake and leave us alone!

As we come on the holidays I'm shrouded in mixed feelilngs. I love the holiday and what they stand for. That said... I So totally MISS what the holiday once was.

In as much as I say I'm glad my children have grown and moved out I'm confronted with an evil truth. There is NOBODY to take to see Santa Claus. This year is harder than previous ones because even all the grandchildren are living in their own homes and not here. Last year I had one living with me and three others staying with me.

St. Niklaus Tag, Dec. 6th, came and went and there were no little shoes being scrubbed and filled with food for reindeer before bed the night before, in hopes of awaking to shoe filled candies, small token gifts or worse... a brand new switch for parents to use to help keep the youngster better behaved. Usually, it was just a small combination of both. Candy glued to sticks, a reminder that while you weren't perfect you tried hard.

No sloppy wet snow boots and gloves scattered through the house. Actually, this is a good thing yet for some reason I miss it. Probably because what went with that mess was the sound of giggling children playing in the snow while I watched through the window. In the comfort and warmth of my home. Did I ever say, I hate snow?

Christmas Eve was a time for stories. Cookies milk and letters for Santa.. Thanking him since it was a given he was coming, good or bad..were written. Both Christian and Santa Claus stories were told. This one night, as you tucked children in, eyes closed immediatly in hopes that Santa would come quicker if they just fell asleep but for us, it became a flurry of activity. Stockings were stuffed, presents were dragged out of various hiding places and tucked under the tree. Someone drank some of the milk and took bites out of cookies. I always wrote something back on their notes trying to write different from my own writing.

One year we lived in a house with a fireplace. I even made ashy footprints, I DON'T advise doing this! but there were footprints coming out of the fireplace.

Now, presents get wrapped and there is no hiding.. just put them under the tree when I get it up. Hope I get it up sometime this year. People will come by at different times. Milk and cookies will be done elsewhere .. maybe. One of my kids had decided they didn't want their children to think there was a Santa Claus. Of course, to those it's not about the holiday or everything behind it.. it's all about the gifts. I feel bad for my son doing this because he's missing so very much, his children missing so much more.

For now, if you see an old couple watching while your child is sitting on Santa's lap.. don't be alarmed. They are only, in that moment living a lifetime of memories.

We've been busy. Very busy with Christmas shopping and my Christmas gift came already and is partially set up. My husband got me a greenhouse. So, it was that we were exhausted lasted night when we went to bed. By the time I got out of the shower my husband was asleep so I settled in to watch television before I fell asleep.

That was the plan.

I was laughing at something on the television.. I don't remember what all I remember is the sound of brakes and I thought somebody really needed to slow down. About that time they slowed down all right.. briefly cause I heard the crunch. Did I give my husband a gentle shake or just whack him awake? I don't remember. "Someone hit something out there."

At the time, I didn't give thought to what but was anyone hurt? I threw flannel pajamas on and by the time I got outside there were several people out there. All of them neighbors but no crunched car which meant no injured passengers or driver in the car. At least..not still there. I could leave the phone in the house but why were they all gathered in front of our house?

It seems, whoever hit whatever turned out to be one of our work trucks. The skid marks extend beyond our neighbor's home which suggest the driver was speeding and lost control of the car. So, he or she hit a parked truck. There is a wicked evil part that is at least satisfied that if he's going to hit and run then at least his vehicle has suffered more damage than ours. But there is still the over riding worry that someone was hurt and are they okay.

Once it all sank in, I looked once again at the gathered group of people. You can tell who had been in bed and who hadn't. It's cold out there and there was not one that took the time for a coat. Some were dressed as if they'd never been to bed. There was at least one with no shirt even they all just hurried out and were all discussing what happened. Unfortunately nobody saw it to even know what kind of car it was.

The skid marks leave enough of a story to suggest the driver side missed the majority of the impact so I hope he didn't have a passenger in the car. Now, to find out if any unseen damage was done and if so.. does it raise one's insurance when someone hit your truck while you were inside sleeping? Probably because I believe insurance rates are based on claims you make and not fault.

There is another overwhelming feeling of relief that the person driving like an idiot did so at night when there where no children out playing.

UPDATE: Seems the driver and his dad came here earlier and spoke to my husband. The son fell asleep at the wheel and by the time he woke up it was too late, he was going too fast and lost control. He didn't know what to do cause it was so late so called his dad. My husband told the young one that since he came and did as a man should do, he'd not make a claim nor sue. Neither the young man nor his girlfriend were hurt but his car was messed up pretty badly. His dad said he was pretty scared and suspects this won't be happening again. I hope not.. he was lucky this time.

Gave in.. got new laptop and proceeded to forget every password I have ever had. Currently my blogroll isn't working so I can visit everyone but when I get everything back in order I'll be back about.