Remembered my password... now to change the email to an ACTIVe one!! So I can get that when I forget it...blech, now my browser wants to have a temper tantrum.

I don't know how he does this. I jumped out of bed half awake and switched laundry. Got his medicine that he'd already taken. Forgot my own medicine until I went back and checked it... a habit I developed.

Breakfast. First I tried to make him coffee. No. Espresso. The water gizmo ran out half way through the small cup so I tried to make more but it didn't work. Wouldn't pump the water or something. So, I brought him what I did get made and explained the problem. He came out and made it work. AND.. since I made his needs a priority I hadn't even started coffee so he did.

I couldn't find the bacon. I feel like I'm in a stranger's kitchen and essentially I am. He had to tell me where to find it and then I tried to cut the frozen bacon in half since I couldn't seperate pieces for us. It's smaller than usual so the pieces were small. Only problem is, when I tried to cut the bacon I busted my finger open again.

Not wanting to bleed all over the food I tried to cook with one hand. Bandaid you might ask? Allergic. So, with my left hand I'm now burning the bacon, which, because it's smaller started to resemble bite sized pork skins than a slice of bacon. Burnt ones for that matter. Eggs were over done as I went to put the toast in with one hand and it had never been opened. This bread is double wrapped too.

Cleaning chemicals hurt so I was cleaning with one hand too. Breakfast was served with a fair amount of tears cause I was sure it was horrible. I was trying to shove food in my mouth and go change laundry between bites and he finally told me to stop, eat breakfast with him and get a cup of coffee. I've settled down some and offered a snack.

I just felt it extremely important to put his needs first and get breakfast to him as fast as I could get it to him instead of taking my time. He went so long yesterday without eating and without his diabetic medicine until evening. Plus they told me that if you take it without eating it will make your sugar levels drop so I was rushing, rushing and bumbling trying to hurry up and get him breakfast.

He's already asked how I am going to cook the pork chops I have out. Damn!! I just ate breakfast I have no idea about food in the evening. I'm waiting for snack time for him but he has his nuts and then of course lunch. And, I've got one load of laundry folded and put away and.. Had one cup of coffee too! I only fell once and he could only helplessly watch. I'm used to it but suddenly he can't protect me and has to just let me do as I do and fall as I might ... and learn that I will be okay.

OH and.. watched Bo Bice on television!

Surgery is done and he's okay. I'm pathetic. First thing I do is cut my finger.. right between two fingers while I was feeding the dogs. I have whined more than him! Okay, he is bandaged and has pain pills and I have a cut that keeps opening up. Then, there was crumbs in the bed that I thought he might not find very comfortable since he has to stay in bed for at least two days. I should have thought about it first cause he'd snacked on nuts and it was salt. Ya know how I know it was salt? I dragged that finger over the sheet and busted it open again and salt got into it.

I'm just not so good at this I think and I don't want to let him down cause he did so much for me over the past few years... and I am not off to a good start.

Anyway, that's where I'll be.. off trying to be a bumbling Clara Barton.

Just in case anyone wondered... I hate telemarketers that call me, push me to the point of getting extremely irate, then hang up on me. I WAS trying to politely say..."I don't do this over the phone."

This time it was to send care packages to Navy Members over in Iraq. What makes this more than a bit odd is that they've been there how many.. YEARS?? and they are just now thinking of making care packages? AND.. it was for every person in this state but the phone call was generated from another state. And what about all the other services?

More polite, no thank you's I do this myself.. as she tried every way to change my mind through the use of guilt.. okay.. each one was starting to teeter on annoyed, very annoyed and then she started... "Ma'am, these people are risking their lives..blah, blah.."I cut her off. She hung up on me. Called me, my house..irritated me to no end and then.. hung up.

Now, I'm angry. There has been an abundance of calls to everyone to give for Hurricane Katrina, Tsunami, and many other things and I'm tired of people calling my house and understandably asking for help but you can't even trust a website anymore UNLESS you yourself go to the site. With that knowledge I do nothing over the phone and because of that I am given the guilt trip? Do not call me and try that cause I know what I've done and I've started anything I've done myself as I've explained. What happened to simply being able to say, "I gave at the office." and that was all that needed said? The call ended politely and with a Thank You? Am I the only one around here old enough to remember that stuff?

At least if it's to reduce your house payment or some other means of saving money, then when they get to the question they always do.. "Ma'am, don't you want to save money?" I can say "no.. I like to waste it." What do you say to not wanting to do anything contributing those in need, or our military over the phone?

What a good way to start the day. Blah.

Do you know what your child does on the computer? You ... should.

I know there are many that might point out that it infringes upon your child's right to privacy. In fact, your child might argue that point. If so, hand them a diary and a pen because there is no privacy when you post pictures, information or anything about yourself in a public forum..online.

I cherish the right to privacy but I cherish my children more. I believe it is our duty as the adults online, as parents, as friends to take away a privilege that isn't being used with some common sense. I believe, our children are far more trusting on here than we'd like. But you can't see who is on the other computer. You can't peek through the moniter and know if that 14 year old your child is talking to is really.. 14.

MySpace.com has been on the news alot the past few days following the death of a girl that apparently met with one of her "friends." I don't know the whole story I do know.. a young girl is gone. But it isn't only MySpace.. it's anywhere we can post, build a network of friends that we never see, chat, email.. anywhere and we as parents are entrusted with the safety of our children. We have to be their guide through this because it's cool to do this and see that people are interested. Their judgement is not as wise an adults. Online there is no such thing as privacy.

Before I clarify this allow me to point out that I think these places are GOOD for us and for our children. They, like us, do find commarderie on here. Something that encourages them to read and write no matter how brief. Especially the blogs. I know, I like coming here and writing if others feel it important enough to read. If you all encourage me, I can't imagine how good it makes the kids feel. So, yes I do think it's good for our kids to do this. I just believe whole heartedly in monitering and keeping them safe.

Okay, I went back to pay a more respectful visit to sev's blog and found the actual tag.. so here goes.

remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

doris

Radmila

Riri

SEV

Sol

Next select five people to tag Tricia

Andrea

Uhm.. hmm.. don't think five people come back here to tag!

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Oh, my that sorely tugs at the lost memories? I wasn't even married to my husband yet though we'd been living here, raising two of five kids. (two had already moved out and one had lived with his grandparents) I could still walk and I believe I probably still worked with him.. he is a carpenter though I stayed home more often with the kids to try and keep them out of trouble. I loved to role play online.. write stories.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

Not alot to speak of. I believe about the best I can say is maybe it was a year ago I finally gave in and got hand controls to drive the car. To which, I still drive as little as possible! All the kids are grown now and there seems something terribly empty about that yet filled once more with freedom. My grandaughter also moved back to live with her mother, making it seem emptier still when I look back at all those moments I wished I'd gotten pictures of. She was a spark of life here.

Five snacks you enjoy

Cheez-It's

Bananas

Graham Crackers

I'm not much of a snacker.. Oh, Oreo Cookies

Five songs to which you know all the lyrics:

Hanging By A Moment ~ Lifehouse

jingle bells

The Wizard ~ Black Sabbath

The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round

Happy Birthday

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

Pay bills

Pay Retirement Funds

Travel

Buy my husband the Russell Mitchel bike he wants

Put an addition on my greenhouse.

Five bad habits:

Hiding from life

Being lazy

Playing Neopets

Letting life overwhelm me

Not eating right

Five things you like doing:

Anything with my husband

Pestering my kids

Writing

Playing Neopets

Blogging

Five things you would never wear again:

Anything plaid

Anything that hints at twenty and sexy

Make up

Shoes I like ( they don't accomodate the brace)

Mini Skirts

Five favorite toys:

Remote Control Monster Truck

Macintosh

Back seat of my husband's harley

iPod

Pencil and paper

Tagged. I've been tagged by Sev and I presume.. since I've never been tagged before that I'm to make an entry on the topic he posted on the day he tagged me. If I'm wrong.. just say, "Sev got her to post again! Yeah Sev!!"

There are things, people, places even feelings that we all become pationate about in our lifetime. Despite my age, and the patience and wisdom that are supposed to come with said age, change faster than a child who's had his ritalin taken away. In other words...my attention span is way too short. This will explain why I don't seem to be passionate about anything but I am.

One of my sons is learning disabled. He too has a short attention span among many other issues. It was thought that despite his very high I.Q. he'd never learn how to read and write. He couldn't process it correctly nor could he retain what he learned. There was a time my passion was spent in finding ways to help him cope and function in life. To keep his self esteem from going terribly low. A difficult task at best since his younger sister was rapidly catching up and passing his own reading abilities. Some how, and I'm not entirely sure how but in the process he did do what they weren't so sure he'd ever do very well. Read. He can write too though there are times his spelling is odd, for the most part it is right.

There was a game. Beyond the Beyond. Maybe because it was the first one my son and I truly enjoyed playing together. We liked playing them, he liked some and I liked others better but this one we both liked. I played it seemingly obsessively. He came home from school and I was in tears.. the dragon died. It was a video game and it devastated me that the dragon died! Let me interject here, that I would not smoke in his room. It seemed.. wrong. Because I spent hours on the game the end result was that I quit smoking about the time the dragon died so I was wierd about everything anyway. He, in the meantime was absolutely no comfort. "Mom! It's just a game!" Then, you could hear his laughter as he left the room. Only Zelda did I play with almost as much passion and now.. Neopets.

My own life has changed a lot and for the past several years I found it hard to be passionate about much other than my husband. But, things are slowly coming around. We are remodeling our home. My daughter took over cleaning when she was only 14 so I don't complain but nobody takes care of your own stuff like you do. With the remodeling of the house, I foresee feeling like I have my house back, and the desire to take care of it that I used to have. My husband got me a greenhouse for Christmas. Plants grow even during the winter now. I hate east coast winters with a passion you can not dream of.. well, maybe if you are from a place that's still pretty even in the winter. Southern California..no...snow and we still had flowers. That was something, when I lived in California I absolutely loved. I spent hours, watering, feeding, pinching, weeding.. it felt good.

I loved working with my husband. That won't happen ever again, save those few times it's a side job and not an OSHA concern. He says as long as I can't safely climb a ladder I can't go back to trimming houses or installing cabinets. That seems odd. For a woman to LOVE building houses.. but the wood, every species smelled so good when it was cut. At the end of every day you could look over your shoulder as you walked away and SEE progress..accomplishment. Every house was the beginnings of dreams for another family.

Everything I do comes in spurts but there are things that remain constants in the end, even if, like this blog, it seems like I've lost interest. Writing is one that comes and goes. Hence the pauses in my blog. I run out of things to write about. Always, though it doesn't seem like it, my husband, a friend of mine, my kids and the people I've met remain passionately in my heart.. even those like Sev, that unwittingly encourage me to take time to write.. it feels good to write even if, as I look back over it, none of it makes sense. Thank you Sev

Of mine.

Yeah, I've been doing this blogging thing a few years now, livejournal, deadjournal and others. From an old one I found part of an instant message I had with someone I'm so glad to call.. friend.

Clear grammer helps 04.20.04 (7:16 pm)

Me: blech, he didn't notice I got gas... first time in I think three years.

Him: ::starrrrreeeeee::

Him: did.. you like...

Him: just tell me...

Him: you ..

Me: CAR gas

Him: farted?

Him: noo no no no no

Him: ::dying::

Me: Fuel..

Him: ::too late;:

Him: that was good

Me: dayam.. ::taps her foot:: I do have to make these things clear.

Me: Yea it was .

Him: look at how you said it

Me: I did.. I scrolled back

Him: who says "blech" first

Him: LOL

Him: blech and gas in the same sentence.. its damning Me: this is going in my blog.. It's too funny

( A brief but quick history... when I couldn't exactly feel my legs right, I had to quit driving with my legs. I was bull headed and wouldn't admit to the handicap. The nerves would heal and I'd be normal again..right?. It became a challenge that spanned a few years for me to give in and start driving with hand controls.. hence why it had been three years since I got gas. Hence why, given my bad grammer, my friend did not think of me putting fuel in the car before he thought of the more comical. That day I had a moment, an accomplishment, however simple that made me feel good and later, with this conversation I laughed about the whole topic for the first time in years.. Thank you D for the laughter, love and time over the years. )

Saturday we went to a bike show. Exile Bikes and Russell Mitchell, a bike builder my husband happens to like was there. I have mentioned before that in a hypothetical situation, if I were young and skinny, single and all that.. he'd be one I could have a major crush on. Sound pitiful? It gets...worse.

So, there my husband is talking to Russell Mitchell.. a bike builder he admires. One he truley believes should have won at least ONE of the Build Off's we've seen him in and one he wouldn't mind buying a bike from. Unfortunately, the one he likes cost half what we paid for our house. And here I come, with my newly purchased book and it did not dawn on me what I was about to do, in fact, I couldn't stop myself.. like an idiot teenager at a Stones concert I INTERRUPTED my own husband to get Russell Mitchell's autograph.

An hour later it did dawn on me with more than a tinge of disgrace and my husband started laughing. To which, like a loving wife I pointed out that not only was I rude but I forgot my camera! I COULD have had a picture for my husband of him talking to him. I charged the camera batteries and then... forgot it. "I'm going to get a camera phone next time I get a phone! That way when I forget my camera I have the phone."

My husband just nodded and waited until I stated the obvious.. "Then again, where is my cell phone? At home with my camera!"

But, Hot Damn I got his signiature! Oh.. uhm.. pardon that outburst.

Also, as has been duly noted, I've anticipated the SuperBowl for weeks. Since last September to be honest. Yes, I had that much faith... or hope. I watched them here in a pre season game and wished all year I could watch the Steelers in person. I think, my own personal opinion, this year, this team is almost as good as it was in the days of the Iron Curtain. It was a good, exciting game and thank heavans we stayed home to watch it cause especially Parker's 75 yard return for a touchdown, by the time he made it half way to the goal I was on my feet, arms raised and declaired it a touchdown. I curse when I see something stupid, I am in to this game heart and soul and they won.

Best part of the weekend? Maybe when my daughter called cause she heard Pittsburgh scored their first touch down and she knew I'd be happy. But I think it was just spending most of it with my husband. He makes the best Super Bowl sandwiches too! He cheered them on too for me even though he's a die hard Raider's fan..He's just the best.

WAY TO GO STEELERS!

Tomorrow's the big day. I thought about going to Pittsburgh for the game but we can't. It'll get over too late, can't stay over night or anything so.. I'll be cheering my team on over sub sandwiches. Even our neighbor wished me luck, hoping the Steelers won. Apparently it is well known I think Steelers Rock!

We are getting the house done. FINALLY! The only problem with being married to a carpenter is his boredom factor. He gets bored while he's home and he starts a new project. It's like living in a house perpetually being remodeled.

More like.. starts during slow work periods and then understandably gets put on the back burner. But his sister is coming in April so I want it all.. finished. It's getting there now but I knew it was too good to be true. At dinner the other night he started talking about the addition he's going to put on.

SAY WHAT! But, I'm not to worry, this won't happen for at least another year. (Or until he gets bored again!) But really I don't complain because it could be worse. I have lived in a car before so even amid remodelled I must stay, this place is beautiful compared to that!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What..a.. dweeb!

My husband and I got in the car to go out to dinner. We do this every Friday... Just the two of us. I was very excitedly discussing the Super Bowl tomorrow until I noticed that odd smile on his face. It seems that tomorrow is not Sunday. You'd think that Friday dinner would have been a hint.

During dinner, now that I know the game is not I was debating wearing my prized Joey Porter shirt tomorrow, Sunday or.. ugh, both days and wash it before I go to bed. Did I ever mention I am, and have been a Steelers fan for more years than I care to mention? So.. then, it went from which day should I wear my shirt to the next time I get a shirt I think I want Polamalu shirt. I like Bettis but lots of people wear his, same with the quaterback.. and I like any man for one, brave enough to go play football and leave those locks of hair hanging out ripe for the grabbing. He's just.. good. My husband took note of this to have an idea for a Christmas present for me next year.

We got home, he tended to a few things, went upstairs and came back down with a Polamalu shirt for me. One that has the SuperBowl emblem on the sleeves and the date of the game. Better yet.. I was with him at the mall when he got it but I went on to a different store. He apparently made the purchase and stuffed it into his pants pocket. Then, if the mall hadn't been enough, I dragged him more places to go shopping and I never noticed the wad in his pocket.

I can't imagine how he must have been laughing inside the whole time I was talking about who I should get for my next shirt. He's.. the best.