Several Weeks Before Christmas

This time of year excites me to no end and even before Halloween decorations come out I'm already anticipating the time with the kids and grandkids.

I started shopping literally weeks ago. It won't hurt the wallet so bad if I spread this out.. right? Wrong. Trying to make sure everyone has a wonderful Christmas STILL hurts the wallet no matter how much you try to spread it out, and might make it worse. Afterall... there is a difference between what you spend in a few stores over a one week period of time as opposed to every store you have stepped foot in the past several weeks.

11 Days Before Christmas

"Mom I hope you don't mind but I'm not coming down for Christmas day. Do you think we can have Christmas dinner on Christmas Eve?" I told her I didn't know, didn't plan to cause I can't contact everyone else while I'm on the phone with her. But, it would be nice if we could get everyone together .. but.. it's Christmas Eve, NOT Christmas.

Kid 1.. Okay, but he won't have his daughter with him till noon on Christmas day so he'll come both days, no problem.

Kid 2.. Phone's busy

Kid 3 .. Why is he not exactly giving me an answer? Then getting an attitude? Oh, but according to everyone else he isn't getting an attitude, and I just want a yes or no answer.

10 Days Before Christmas

Call the daughter that wanted it all changed to Christmas Eve and can't get ahold of her. She hasn't paid her phone bill again.

10 Days Before Christmas

Still can't get ahold of her but left a message with her significant other.

9 Days Before Christmas

This is getting frustrating trying to get ahold of her and by now my house looks trashed but packages are getting wrapped.

8 Days Before Christmas

Pack up and go clear to another state to get a gift for our youngest daughter.. it's become tradition.

6 Days Before Christmas

Youngest daughter calls..."Mom, can you babysit your grandchildren today?" (oldest daughter's kids) Uhm.. I'm not even home yet but will be in a few hours. I've got their presents all scattered to give it all one last go over and make sure it's all fair. I'm ill equipped to babysit on last notice. I'm sorry and I don't really want the youngest to babysit cause of the open present issue. Couldn't we have given me more notice? What's going on? "Dad, (I divorced this man.) wants Karen to come down and go shopping for her kids for Christmas." So... why can't his new wife babysit? Oh yeah, I know they make too much noise they are afterall children.

5 Days Before Christmas

STILL CAN'T Get Karen on the phone.. why won't she call me back?

4 Days Before Christmas

"Oh Mom, you said you were having dinner on Christmas so I told Dad I'd go there to eat." Funny, I recollect doubting I'd change but she should get back with me. Funny, I recollect spending weeks shopping for her kids and wrapping presents for her kids and her Dad, who is usurping her one evening down here, made her drive two hours down here to shop for her kids and then wrap the presents. Don't ask me why he can't manage this himself. I'm angry.. she's angry ..everyone's angry, Merry Fuckin' Christmas

3 Days Before Christmas

"Mom." My son says. "Can you babysit tonight cause Dad said I have to go shopping and wrap Lily's presents or he's just giving money." Uhm.. She's two. I don't have toys here for her, at least, not toys that aren't wrapped. He's worked all day hanging cabinets and now has to shop? I'd have to babysit while they go to Walmart then come back to his dad's house and wrap everything. And, no problem about dinner, he'll just go to his dad's house on Christmas Eve and spend Christmas day.. a couple hours, with us. Then he has to go see his significant other's father, come home and go to bed cause he has to get up and go two hours away to hang cabinets the day after Christmas. When, significant other's mother is coming down.

Other son is willing to change days but looks rather disgusted and I don't blame him since he and his roommates have planned Christmas dinner. And, finally my youngest calls back and is just plain pissed off cause it keeps changing. She too has another in her life she's trying to accomodate. And why didn't her dad invite her to dinner? In fact, my son only said he was going cause Karen said she was.. I'm not so sure he was invited either.

That son called and told me I don't have to babysit cause they are going tomorrow night.

Tomorrow is just two days before Christmas. My ex husband not only hasn't shopped but left it lay in my son's lap whether his daughter gets a Christmas gift from her grandfather.

I can't do this anymore. My current husband and I spend a lot of time to make sure they all have a wonderful Christmas. We manage to shop and wrap and clean and make messes and clean some more. We cook, we clean more, we decorate and everything. We also end up alone and it's pointless to keep this up.

Everyone is angry with me cause I either didn't accomodate them... or, tried to accomodate them and everyone had to change plans too. Then, after we all accomodated, she'd made other arrangements and blamed me, when I couldn't call her cause you have to pay your friggin' phone bill or they shut that stuff off! This all is my fault how?

For the first time I don't look forward to Christmas. It's hard on the kids to have to come here and go to see significant other's family and then.. you know that man who gets their birthday cards to them three months later? He makes them come do his part of Christmas. It can't keep up like this or they won't enjoy Christmas. So, as of three days before Christmas 2005 I have cancelled Christmas 2006.

I have blogs I go to that I read. I can't comment anymore, I presume because they too have been hit entirely too many times by spammers so they've shut comments down to Blogger only people. I understand the need to do this. I just wonder sometimes if there wasn't a better way than to cut off those that care but happen to come from a different blogging service.

Tricia.. I'm sorry. Holidays tend to make our loses so vivid and every person deals with it differently. No matter, allow that and use it as a reminder to cherish each moment you are gifted with your own children and husband and other family members. I did read back in your blog too and immediately missed my own kids being here doing the sibling/teenager things. On the plus side.. (and there is a good side to everything. Sometimes it's just harder to see..) We can come and go now as we please. In fact, we can do what we want, when we want and how we want BUT... yes, there's always a "But" too... we have to keep the door locked. Afterall, it is still their home and they never knock!

Shannon, I'm sorry your life is what it was but it's your choice now how you make it for the remainder of your life and all those children in your future. Unfortunately it doesn't always include those we want it to but we try. Always remember this one thing... unless your aunt walked in your shoes can only try to understand what life was like for you. Perhaps it's not even your fault that distance has grown between you and your aunt. Sometimes it's how they themselves deal with their own part they played in another's lives. First she has to believe what happened to you. If she doesn't.. it'll put distance there. If she Does, perhaps you are a reminder that in her eyes, she didn't do enough for you without ever realizing she gave you hope. And then again.. people do drift apart. This is a good time to try to rekindle that same closeness but in truth it will always be different. You aren't a kid anymore. Everything is different when you grow up. Everything.

And to my original comment... I say, Spammers Unite! Then collectively go jump in a lake and leave us alone!

As we come on the holidays I'm shrouded in mixed feelilngs. I love the holiday and what they stand for. That said... I So totally MISS what the holiday once was.

In as much as I say I'm glad my children have grown and moved out I'm confronted with an evil truth. There is NOBODY to take to see Santa Claus. This year is harder than previous ones because even all the grandchildren are living in their own homes and not here. Last year I had one living with me and three others staying with me.

St. Niklaus Tag, Dec. 6th, came and went and there were no little shoes being scrubbed and filled with food for reindeer before bed the night before, in hopes of awaking to shoe filled candies, small token gifts or worse... a brand new switch for parents to use to help keep the youngster better behaved. Usually, it was just a small combination of both. Candy glued to sticks, a reminder that while you weren't perfect you tried hard.

No sloppy wet snow boots and gloves scattered through the house. Actually, this is a good thing yet for some reason I miss it. Probably because what went with that mess was the sound of giggling children playing in the snow while I watched through the window. In the comfort and warmth of my home. Did I ever say, I hate snow?

Christmas Eve was a time for stories. Cookies milk and letters for Santa.. Thanking him since it was a given he was coming, good or bad..were written. Both Christian and Santa Claus stories were told. This one night, as you tucked children in, eyes closed immediatly in hopes that Santa would come quicker if they just fell asleep but for us, it became a flurry of activity. Stockings were stuffed, presents were dragged out of various hiding places and tucked under the tree. Someone drank some of the milk and took bites out of cookies. I always wrote something back on their notes trying to write different from my own writing.

One year we lived in a house with a fireplace. I even made ashy footprints, I DON'T advise doing this! but there were footprints coming out of the fireplace.

Now, presents get wrapped and there is no hiding.. just put them under the tree when I get it up. Hope I get it up sometime this year. People will come by at different times. Milk and cookies will be done elsewhere .. maybe. One of my kids had decided they didn't want their children to think there was a Santa Claus. Of course, to those it's not about the holiday or everything behind it.. it's all about the gifts. I feel bad for my son doing this because he's missing so very much, his children missing so much more.

For now, if you see an old couple watching while your child is sitting on Santa's lap.. don't be alarmed. They are only, in that moment living a lifetime of memories.

We've been busy. Very busy with Christmas shopping and my Christmas gift came already and is partially set up. My husband got me a greenhouse. So, it was that we were exhausted lasted night when we went to bed. By the time I got out of the shower my husband was asleep so I settled in to watch television before I fell asleep.

That was the plan.

I was laughing at something on the television.. I don't remember what all I remember is the sound of brakes and I thought somebody really needed to slow down. About that time they slowed down all right.. briefly cause I heard the crunch. Did I give my husband a gentle shake or just whack him awake? I don't remember. "Someone hit something out there."

At the time, I didn't give thought to what but was anyone hurt? I threw flannel pajamas on and by the time I got outside there were several people out there. All of them neighbors but no crunched car which meant no injured passengers or driver in the car. At least..not still there. I could leave the phone in the house but why were they all gathered in front of our house?

It seems, whoever hit whatever turned out to be one of our work trucks. The skid marks extend beyond our neighbor's home which suggest the driver was speeding and lost control of the car. So, he or she hit a parked truck. There is a wicked evil part that is at least satisfied that if he's going to hit and run then at least his vehicle has suffered more damage than ours. But there is still the over riding worry that someone was hurt and are they okay.

Once it all sank in, I looked once again at the gathered group of people. You can tell who had been in bed and who hadn't. It's cold out there and there was not one that took the time for a coat. Some were dressed as if they'd never been to bed. There was at least one with no shirt even they all just hurried out and were all discussing what happened. Unfortunately nobody saw it to even know what kind of car it was.

The skid marks leave enough of a story to suggest the driver side missed the majority of the impact so I hope he didn't have a passenger in the car. Now, to find out if any unseen damage was done and if so.. does it raise one's insurance when someone hit your truck while you were inside sleeping? Probably because I believe insurance rates are based on claims you make and not fault.

There is another overwhelming feeling of relief that the person driving like an idiot did so at night when there where no children out playing.

UPDATE: Seems the driver and his dad came here earlier and spoke to my husband. The son fell asleep at the wheel and by the time he woke up it was too late, he was going too fast and lost control. He didn't know what to do cause it was so late so called his dad. My husband told the young one that since he came and did as a man should do, he'd not make a claim nor sue. Neither the young man nor his girlfriend were hurt but his car was messed up pretty badly. His dad said he was pretty scared and suspects this won't be happening again. I hope not.. he was lucky this time.

Gave in.. got new laptop and proceeded to forget every password I have ever had. Currently my blogroll isn't working so I can visit everyone but when I get everything back in order I'll be back about.

We were supposed to put cabinets into a kitchen today but they weren't delivered so we went Christmas shopping today. In one of the many stores my husband came across a back massaging gizmo he really wanted. Indeed it would be good for him to relax with at the end of a long day lifting cabinets. It was almost $140.00 so he left it to see if he found it at another store for a better price.

The hours wore on as did hunger and frustratration with people cutting us off, and just generally forgetting they aren't the only person floating around in the cosmos. We stopped to get some dinner ...our last stop finally but right across from the restaruant was one last store he wanted to check after we enjoyed our meal.

He found his treasure, something he didn't know I had already been aware of and planned to get him for Christmas. No matter; my list for him this year was a long one. Not only was the exact item less money there but the lady in line ahead of him assurred him that she had one and he'd love it. He smiled and said something.. I have no idea what but she started to do as we all do and once again turn back to minding her own business as she waited in line but as if a second thought she asked him if he had a coupon.

No, we had one sitting at home as a matter of fact but we hadn't planned on coming to this store. She dug through her purse and found an extra coupon and gave it to him. It didn't cost her anything. It saved us 20% but more than that it reminded a man who so often runs into people that are quicker to be rude than they are to be kind that in fact, there are so very many people out there that know the value of a good deed.

I wish we knew her name but we don't. That one simple gesture meant more than any amount of money he saved. I wish instead of being so stunned we'd had a better chance to thank her before her turn in line came. We'll just do as we always do.. and instead of pay her back her kindness we'll pass it on to someone else.

Perhaps you too will luck out with such kindness and then return it in kind to someone else. Sappy? Perhaps but wouldn't it be such a better place if we all did that??

Any telemarketer out there want a hint? DO....

...........................NOT!, and I mean.. NOT! EVER AGAIN give me a nasty sigh when after you say,

"But Ma'am, isn't it worth your time to spend fifteen minutes for a free quote to see if we can save you money?" To which I answer, "No, I believe I've tried to politely tell you that THREE times now!"

Any way you cut the mustard, I am the potential customer and you are intruding on my own home, time and priorities.

I'll hand you this one, it was calling for our business which IS untfortunately still allowed to happen. But ... Oh for Pete's Sake.. now another one. She's polite. Forced to be courteous while she tries to convinve me I have a free trip to Hilton Island. She was, afterall... a recording. Where is that zapper gizmo?