As we come on the holidays I'm shrouded in mixed feelilngs. I love the holiday and what they stand for. That said... I So totally MISS what the holiday once was.

In as much as I say I'm glad my children have grown and moved out I'm confronted with an evil truth. There is NOBODY to take to see Santa Claus. This year is harder than previous ones because even all the grandchildren are living in their own homes and not here. Last year I had one living with me and three others staying with me.

St. Niklaus Tag, Dec. 6th, came and went and there were no little shoes being scrubbed and filled with food for reindeer before bed the night before, in hopes of awaking to shoe filled candies, small token gifts or worse... a brand new switch for parents to use to help keep the youngster better behaved. Usually, it was just a small combination of both. Candy glued to sticks, a reminder that while you weren't perfect you tried hard.

No sloppy wet snow boots and gloves scattered through the house. Actually, this is a good thing yet for some reason I miss it. Probably because what went with that mess was the sound of giggling children playing in the snow while I watched through the window. In the comfort and warmth of my home. Did I ever say, I hate snow?

Christmas Eve was a time for stories. Cookies milk and letters for Santa.. Thanking him since it was a given he was coming, good or bad..were written. Both Christian and Santa Claus stories were told. This one night, as you tucked children in, eyes closed immediatly in hopes that Santa would come quicker if they just fell asleep but for us, it became a flurry of activity. Stockings were stuffed, presents were dragged out of various hiding places and tucked under the tree. Someone drank some of the milk and took bites out of cookies. I always wrote something back on their notes trying to write different from my own writing.

One year we lived in a house with a fireplace. I even made ashy footprints, I DON'T advise doing this! but there were footprints coming out of the fireplace.

Now, presents get wrapped and there is no hiding.. just put them under the tree when I get it up. Hope I get it up sometime this year. People will come by at different times. Milk and cookies will be done elsewhere .. maybe. One of my kids had decided they didn't want their children to think there was a Santa Claus. Of course, to those it's not about the holiday or everything behind it.. it's all about the gifts. I feel bad for my son doing this because he's missing so very much, his children missing so much more.

For now, if you see an old couple watching while your child is sitting on Santa's lap.. don't be alarmed. They are only, in that moment living a lifetime of memories.