Enough. I'm tired of being politically correct... really I am. Of course, let me explain a few things as I see them.

Wait... Nevermind.. Let someone else explain it. This is NOT "R" rated..

Guess who's IT?


Carlos Mencia On Terrorists - A funny movie is a click away

This is ridiculous. Anytime a crime is committed with the use of a gun there is someone willing to take a stab at the 2nd Amendment.

Let me make this very clear. The 2nd Amendment did not shoot those men and women at Ft. Hood. The Constitution of the United States... wasn't there. The founders of the Constitution and it's Amendments were not there.

The gun involved did not shoot those people. The guns in any of our cities or suburbs are not to blame for shootings. Not those that sell the guns nor those of us that believe in our right to own firearms.

A person, a human being aimed that gun and shot it. A human being that needs to be held accountable for his actions.

Protect our rights, whether or not you happen to agree with them. Please don't diminish those rights.

But, eh.. the mayor has a right to free speech and is entitled to say what he believes. Just come on, lay blame squarely on Nidal Malik Hasan, the man that did the shooting.

President Obama bowed. On the face of it, let's be honest, we grew up knowing we are supposed to bow as a form of respect. So the fact that he bowed to other world leaders isn't offensive to me. But that is to ME.

That said; let me say this. As the wife of a military member that had just arrived in Germany I was given information of some of the Germany specific protocols of the time. It was my responsibility as a veritable nobody to learn this and have a clue of important German customs so I didn't offend anyone. This was my responsibility because even though I was a civilian there I still represented the United States.

So, I am left to ask just how much effort the president put into learning the customs of the countries he is visiting. His administration and advisers should be smart enough to think of these situations and instruct the president before hand.. just to make sure. However, ultimately the responsibility of learning this rests on the president himself. The leader of a country you would think would have far more responsibility to do so than me.

If he can't take charge of himself and take the moments it takes to learn this information then why do we think he can lead us?

Learn when and how to bow and even in our own society, as I was taught, even IF on a long stretch he should have bowed, they were sloppy bows at best. Learn how to bow properly if you are going to bow at the wrong place. Even in the United States there is an appropriate way to bow and uhm.. that wasn't it!

My son's dad asked him to go the football game today. His family never offers to babysit so my son asked me to babysit. Saturday we talked about this and I was sick with a high fever as it was.

He brought the Kiddo here this morning to go to the game and I felt much better as time went on so I started to make plans. Go to the library, maybe try geocaching again. You know, for a short time not be her caretaker but her grandmother.

Then my son called. He was going to call Crystal and have her come take the Kiddo. I tried to tell him I was okay with her but he figured it would be good for the Kiddo to see her mom. About 45 minutes later the mom called me. She was going to pick her up for a little bit. ... Uhm.. a little bit is a couple hours to me so I asked. She clarified she wanted to take her to a movie and to the park since the weather was nice. Would six be fine?

Uhm.. (there is alot of "uhm" cause apparently I'm not very tactful even when I try.. see prior posts where she showed up at Halloween party) I suggested since she was to bring her home, according to the courts, at five that five would be good so I can feed her dinner. Somehow she got six out of that. Perhaps I wasn't clear in an effort to be tactful.

So, the mother WALKED to my door. She picked the Kiddo up and I clarified the five o'clock. The Kiddo said, "My mommy will feed me!" So, I looked at Crystal and she said, "No, come home in time for Grandma to feed you." Or.. something to that affect. Had she asked for her till six AND she feed her dinner I'd have agreed. She didn't.

So, the Kiddo comes home and I asked her what she did.. they went shopping and to the movies. Who all went? Only her and her mom.. Her mom.. drove. Her mom doesn't have a driver's lisence. I'm ANGRY! This woman has no respect for the law and this is what she's teaching her daughter.

She bought her a dress and the Kiddo told me I.. not her mom.. had to wash it. I don't care cause I already do laundry for the kiddo but do you know how much better it would have reflected if the woman washed the dress .. or better yet.. this close to Christmas not buy her stuff?? But it's not my job to wash her clothes and the child thinks it is.. SAD.

The mother made a point of saying she'd take her out to dinner tomorrow. Translated this means... my son will take them out to dinner. He does what he can to try and make sure she sees her daughter.

The child SHOULD spend time with her mother as long as the mother is teaching her by example to follow the laws. That when you screw up you pay the consequenses. And for certain do NOT take a child down your illegal path with you.. especially once you've picked her up from me and led me to believe they were walking.

And the child's temper issues? If my son is wanting to get away because of the screaming then the Kiddo is learning this. The mother screams and hollers until she gets what she wants.. little eyes and ears watch this and this is how the Kiddo treats people.

My gosh.. she was a brat when she got home. She didn't want me to dry her hair but I didn't want her to go out with wet hair. She was stomping on the scale and punching the walls. Her mother bought her a bottle of juice and she decided she wanted to flick the bottle top across the table. She kept her finger wrapped around it after I told her not to consider it then looked at me and ... flicked it!! I asked her to do something.. I don't remember now and she said, "No! You do it!" She had a tantrum at the dining table and I excused myself and went in the bedroom to fold laundry. When she quieted I looked up and she was standing there watching me and let me tell you.. if looks could kill I'd have been dead many times over.

Her dinner got thrown away and finally her dad called to let us know he was going to be here shortly and she was hollering at me. My husband, who answered the phone told him not to ever do that again. My husband knows my son's intentions were good but this is horrible.

My husband told him to be careful cause if Crystal gets into a car accident with Lily in the car he'll be stuck with alot of medical bills. They all say that since we all THOUGHT she was walking there might not be legal liabilities for us though that too concerns me. My son had no idea.. he said she was supposed to walk to come get her. She left her coat in her mother's car.

He also said this driving thing is why we see him with her.. he takes her with them so the Kiddo can spend time with her mom. He also said that when the mother is around the Kiddo is TOTALLY different.. she's as unpleasant as she was today. But, as he said, tomorrow is another day.

This has even been considered??

Our jails are filled with people that have murdered and raped. They've stolen from others and broken laws that actually hurt another person. We do not have a right to hurt another person. There has been talk, there has been consideration to jail or penalize a person that does not carry medical insurance or pay a fine. The same as you must do if you wish to drive a car.

You cannot lump the need for auto insurance into the same category as medical insurance. I DO believe people should, by law, have car insurance to drive a car. Accidents happen and we do not have a right to drive a car, hurt someone or their property and not be able to make that person whole again.

The person we are hurting if we don't have medical insurance is ourselves. We aren't physically hurting another person. However, I do understand that there is a financial burden we bear for uninsured people that seek medical treatment and do not pay their bills. I get that. But I also know very well that sometimes you pay for insurance and don't even use it. You've wasted money. Not only is that money wasted on you but you no longer have it to possibly use to help another person.

I haven't gone to the dentist, neither my husband or I, since 2007. For two years the insurance company was receiving monthly premiums from us for dental insurance and they spent ZERO dollars on us. That is money we could have used elsewhere.

For years my husband paid medical insurance and not once did he go to the doctor. When you make enough money to make it from pay check to pay check you decide how to prioritize your budget. When you are a healthy person you tend to take the gamble that you won't need medical treatment. The rare times you do go to a doctor you can save money in the bank and pay for the doctor visit or pay when the bill comes however you arrange to do that. You are gambling with your own health and finances.

The two times any of them have been to the doctor they have spent less total than they would have spent in the proposed fine our government has considered. They have certainly not felt the pain of jail and yet they still have paid their medical bills. Imagine that!

That our government would even consider this is frightening to me. How much control is our government allowed to have in our lives? I say.. only as much as we let them.

We need to first find a way to filter out those individuals that do take advantage. My daughter took her son into the county free clinic because he'd been very ill. She, as a single mom and waitress did not make alot of money but she made within twenty dollars too much to have her son seen at the clinic. In the waiting room was a neighbor who's husband worked as a roofer making two to three times as much money as my daughter but because there is no social security card, no record of employment they can say they don't have an income and get seen. THAT's one place they can start. Make it a requirement to be in this country legally.. I don't care who you are .. but pay taxes. Earn an honest living and if you are trying to make it and still need medical treatment then by God raise my taxes for those people but come on.. this guy made more than my daughter, me and my husband combined and they got free medical yet they turned my daughter and her sick son away.

My youngest daughter was still on her dad's insurance through the military when she got pregnant. She came of age that it would stop since she had finished school but she was assured they would see her through to the end of the pregnancy. Consequently she continued seeing the doctors she had been. Then she was notified in the last trimester of her pregnancy that despite what she was told the insurance would cease on her 21st birthday. She tried to get medical insurance and nobody would cover her because pregnancy is considered a pre-exsiting condition. Yes.. she was willing to pay for this, she felt this was her responsibility but she couldn't find a doctor that would take her with no insurance so she went to the county and she was denied because she's not a U.S. Citizen. Say ...what???

She IS a citizen of this country. She was born when we lived in Germany and her father was serving in the Army. When my children were born I was told they are granted citizenship based on the assumption that since both of her parents are citizens and we were there serving the country that it's reasonable to assume she will be a citizen too. However, when I came to the states I would have to contact INS or some place to get green cards for my children. Nobody, no matter who I called had a clue what I was talking about so I dropped it.

The cheapest way to make this right for the three kids of mine born over seas is to get them passports, the green card way is over $700.00. This to ensure that a child born to military parents abroad, serving their country are never denied what other's aren't. And then I must question.. if they could deny her because she didn't have a green card I TRIED to get ... will the government deny her insurance again by declaring that she's not technically a U.S. Citizen? Oh yeah.. remember that clinic? They weren't citizens either.

She had her baby five days after her insurance ceased and I believe medicaid did cover her for those five days and I think a six week check up.. after that she's had to pay for it. Which she was willing to do all along. She works in a military medical clinic now. The insurance they offer her is expensive so she is back to no insurance and gambling that she'll be okay. Afterall... she had to make a choice; pay her bills and get medical insurance OR.. pay her bills and feed her son.

Medical coverage for everyone seems like a good idea on the face of it. But for the government to FORCE us to buy something or pay a fine, or worse consider jail (which I don't think will go through but the fact is.... they considered it.) Forcing me to buy something that my budget says I can't afford at this moment is not the optimal choice. My kids all.. would end up in jail.

What bothers me even more is that the government would have to be far, far too far into our lives to determine if we should pay for medical insurance, be granted it, or suffer some kind of penalty.

Further more, I don't like the idea that a bill of this magnitude can be passed in such a short time. When do we the voters get a say in this? Oh, that's right.. the government seems to know what's best for me. Again, it will be a sad, sad day for our country if this bill does pass, it's already sad to think that anyone considered jail time for those with no insurance. Jail them if they incur a bill they are capable of paying and refuse to.. do something AFTER the fact but doing it before hand is plain wrong.

Where in our constitution does it say that the government can demand we carry medical insurance?

Clean out the fraud and what's left? People seeking medical treatment that are trying to make a living and pay taxes in this country but can't afford it. Raise my taxes for those doctor visits but not to pay for people to be in jail, or pay for the oversight it takes for the fines, none of that crap.

I don't know why I posted that last post. That is something I am basically ashamed of and told only ... one. I am sorry.. I can only say that it's just been a very, very bad few days and I'm not sure which was the final straw.. he in prison or Crystal at my daughter's halloween party or the kiddo's behavior suddenly taking a spiral backwards.
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Thirty five years ago tomorrow I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Well, he was doubly beautiful to me because I almost died. When I did wake up I thought he was dead. Perhaps the rocky start should have been considered an omen.

I loved my husband at the time; my first husband. When we married I was not aware just exactly how involved in drugs and drinking he was. Love is either pretty darned blind or he hid it very well. It wasn't until after the wedding when people showed up with drugs for wedding gifts did I begin to have a clue the rocky road I was about to walk down. But, as I stood in the bathroom door watching his friends shoot speed into the veins of my passed out husband in hopes of rousing him for his honeymoon did I begin to get a taste of just what I'd gotten involved with by marrying this man.

This first night was my first step down this path when they had me tie him off so they could try and get something in him to counter act the reds they'd done. Before this marriage was done it would delve into a heroine addiction. I, on the other hand, remained untouched by all his drugs.

So I told myself at any rate. How can one that is ever vigilant and trying to keep him from going just a wee bit too far and die claim to be untouched? How can a young, young woman that sat there and watched as her husband did nearly die of a heroine overdose consider herself untouched? I can't.

But.. I married him, I loved him .. the straight man.. and I was head strong and determined that somehow we'd make it through this. This man that would never lay a hand on me if he was straight and sober beat me. Twice. He didn't get a third chance.

When it was discovered that I was pregnant, something I was told would never happen, he tried to turn his life around. He took me to meet his aunt and his mother. His aunt was such a wonderful.. wonderful person. The baby was born and the three of us were happy but it was short lived.

His addictions would draw him back in and when the baby was eight months old, we were at home, the baby and I, with no food for him or food for the baby. I tried desperately to find something from a neighbor, to appease him with water because Daddy got paid today baby.. he'll come home and go get food.

He didn't come home but thankfully my neighbor did. My husband and his paycheck partied at the bar and that was the last we were together. I'd walk this path along his side but as soon as it affected my son this way I had to make a choice. I made a choice for my son to live a good life.

I thought.

I married a man, he adopted my son and life moved on. As the years passed I was again tip toe'ing down that same path I was before. Sure, heroine wasn't involved but does it matter if the substance is alcohol or drugs? An addiction is an addiction. No, he didn't beat me but I'd have rather been beat than told I was stupid and brain dead. I'd rather have been beat than to start to live every day with the guilt that I took this boy from his biological father, even his father agreed this adoption would be best for him and my son was still raised by a drunk. We could have stayed with his dad.. he could have still been his dad's son, still carry his dad's name (he was named after his father when he was born but that was changed when he was adopted.)

They say the third time is a charm and I am, for once living peacefully and with no substances of any kind tearing apart my marriage. He spoils me and I love him for it. He does all those things for me that I didn't get to do in life. Simple things like lights around the house for Christmas.

My son was 18 and moved out by the time my husband and I got together. He was angry at me for a very, very long time. I am his mother I shouldn't have left my marriage. He never got to see how happy I was because he carried that chip on his shoulder. By the time he started to forgive me enough to let me in his life again it was too late for him. He had a wife and divorced her, he had children and this wife drove him crazy. He'd call me in tears because things were simply too crazy.

Then, at some point, and I'm speculating from things he's said.. his daughter was the perfect image of his wife. But, she was different. He fell in love with his daughter. This is what he says. Six counts of rape have landed him in prison for twelve years. I've cried for days and I cry today too because tomorrow is his birthday. He called me today. Not even my husband believes he's actually done this. Sure, he admitted to it but his wife has made it a point to assure me that..

He did NOT rape his daughter. His daughter said he did not do this. She said it at first because she and her dad where having an argument and she knew, because this has happened to her before, that this would get him into trouble and shut him up. The ex wife also said he made his daughter take a pregnancy test but my son can't have any more kids... there would be no need for that if it was him. Because if one were to go by his admission he was doing this in my house, in my son's house (with the Kiddo) and my other son's house. Plus, there was a time he lived with his friend. And yet, nobody ever saw even the slightest, smallest wierd thing.. not even a wierd look between the two. There was no admission of guilt until, according to the ex wife, the police were starting to investigate her and she told him to fix this. Suddenly he's admitted he raped his daughter and the cops back off of her. The ex wife's boyfriend called me in hopes to contact him and make sure he did not go through with this admission. But.. it was too late. He turned himself. And then I saw a wierd picture of his daughter and his son looking .. uhm. Friendly. Is my son protecting his own son? That sounds like something he'd do.

In the end it doesn't matter. My son will always be registered as a sex offender. I will celebrate his birthdays with an aching heart because he's in prison and I can't see him. Because I wish I could hate him. I wish I could believe he did this and hate him or believe without question that he did not do this.

For a time I was better. For a time I had begun to not think of him every day. Today he called because tomorrow is his birthday. On his birthday he won't be able to get to the phone till late at night so he called today.

And..I.. forgot to send him a card.

So this morning she came downstairs and was talking about last night and not getting to go trick or treating. I told her that probably none of her friends got to go to her aunt's house to a party and see their aunt dressed as a dead bride.
She was an angel!

Uh.. okay!

But, I reminded her that she got to go see her other grandmother last night too. No we didn't. My mom didn't want to go.

I don't know why, other than it was the natural flow to the conversation but I should have known better than to ask. "why?" cause I don't always like the answer.

Her mom didn't want to go there because they had been arguing.

I feel profoundly bad for the Kiddo and her grandmother. No matter how many children come to your door it's still your own family you hope to see and the Kiddo never came. I can't imagine why my son didn't put his foot down other than... the mother was arguing with my son, "screaming" is actually how he worded it. So once appeased so that she'd spend the holiday with her daughter.. he probably wasn't going to take on that screaming again.

Why was she at MY daughter's house last night, following me around when she couldn't take ten minutes for her own mother?

My daughter lives about an hour and a half away or so. She always has Halloween parties but we aren't ever able to go. This year, Halloween was on Saturday so we debated going.. in fact, we could go and bring the Kiddo home with us to spend the night and her dad could have some free time with adults.

Then things changed and he wasn't going, and my husband worked today and has to work tomorrow. He would go if I wanted to go .. but I knew he didn't want to go so I figured no.. don't go.

THEN.. my son calls in a really, really bad mood. Seems he is going to his sister's house after all cause he has GOT to get away from the Kiddo's mom. She keeps screaming at him. I told him to quit answering the phone but it was him making the calls TRYING to include her in Halloween but apparently it was becoming a huge argument.

So, my husband figured we'd go .. and let him have some much needed time with non screaming adults. We ditch the candy, no trick or treaters were coming so we left. My daughter is dressed like a bride but a dead one. As if someone slashed her mouth from ear to ear and stitched it up. It looked like a bizarre smile. At one point her significant other said, "Honey, I'm sorry I cut your mouth like that." Daughter did not bat an eye just looked at him very apologetically and said, "I'm sorry I talked too much."

Now back to my son, he showed up with the Kiddo and she had her hair in a pony tail. I was going to make a joke but I prefaced it with "did you do this?" "No, she did." I THOUGHT he meant the Kiddo but when I looked up.. the mother was there.

My heart just sunk. I couldn't even come to my daughter's house and have a good time.

She hovered as if we were the best of friends. It was my daughter's home I didn't want to be rude. I kept trying to walk away, I really did. In fact, my grandson was introducing me to his girlfriend and I just suddenly... took off and left HIS room because she came in as if she belonged.

My husband and M.. my daughter's significant other.. apparently were even laughing as they watched me trying to leave so there'd be no issue at this party. But at some point I was stuck. She started talking about the Kiddo being wired up because she ate three cup cakes.

Have I said before that when I'm in a situation where I don't know what to say because it's not very nice so I should keep my mouth shut, then I'm suddenly lost and don't know what to say? Oh.. yeah, the teacher. I found myself once again in one of those awkward situations, I don't have anything nice to say so.. as my dad taught me, I don't want to say anything at all but I'm stuck now.

I'll be civil. I'll smile. Yes, I know it's a pasted on smile but I'm not telling her to get away and not knowing what to say, I simply said.. "I thought you were watching her!" She tried to explain how she was sneaky. I was puzzled. This child has never snuck anything. She asks for it. Then if I say no she has a temper tantrum but she doesn't sneak.

Of course the mother looked away for just a second and the next thing she knew the Kiddo had her third cup cake in her mouth. Uhm.. you were outside! But I didn't say it. I had that smile and said "it's not any problem for you because she's coming home with us." I was thinking, because I KNEW she wasn't watching her, that it didn't matter to the mother cause the Kiddo wasn't going home with her. So if the kiddo was spastic it wasn't her issue.

Then she started on how she was upset because of some wierd stuff that seems like it's not terribly true about work and not being able to make it to the Kiddo's yellow belt test. Yet all I can think of is, "You don't mind snubbing the laws and the police by driving on a suspended license .. so.. why not snub your boss for your daughter?" But, really, I know most times arrangements can be made for an hour to see her daughter do this.

In the middle of this conversation that I didn't want to have because really.. the whole thing is show. She's being a good mother for those minutes she thinks I'm watching but a good mother is a mother every minute of every day. Period. So, in the midst of this conversation that won't seem to quit I can only picture this smile I'm trying to pull off.. and I can picture myself looking like my daughter's smile in her costume. I wanted to giggle. I wanted to tell this girl she had no real business here. And when my grandson went into the fridge and she was leaning over the top of the fridge door and inspecting the contents of the fridge I wanted to tell her to quit being nosey. All the food and drinks were out in plain sight. Instead I asked her if she needed something and she said she was just looking.

Again I tried to smile that friendly smile but all I could picture was my own face looking like my daughter's. The smile was fake. The smile alone said, 'Go away, I don't like you, the sound of your whiney voice makes me want to scream.' It didn't matter how hard I tried to make it look like I was comfortable in all this.

My husband said it was awful. He couldn't believe I was doing this. He was sure any moment this girl would figure out that I was mocking her. But I wasn't trying to mock her. I wanted only to be civil and hope she went away. But she didn't go away. She kept coming back and I knew if I didn't keep up with the fake smile that was beginning to make me want to giggle but if I didn't keep it up the words, "Go away you stupid bitch!" would have come out of my lips.

My husband said I said that many times over without saying those actual words.. but I was TRYING to be nice.

I tried.. I really tried to be nice but perhaps it's simply been much to much for me to even pull it off. Too much of seeing my son upset, Waayy too much of seeing what the effects of this woman has had on my grandaughter.. or should I say.. LACK of.. Or maybe it was her last stunt of coming to my house drunk and trying to get me to lure my son back to her, and get me to help her be a better mother so my son didn't try to take custody of his daughter. Maybe it's knowing ALL of us of helped her and it didn't do any good.

Or perhaps it's knowing she doesn't have a license and drove the hour and a half to my daughter's house. Maybe it's walking out and seeing her pose for a picture with a soda bottle in her hand when I saw her get a beer. When my son, who was taking the picture, said he messed it up she walked over to him and when she moved I saw the beer bottle sitting there on the floor. Don't be fake. If you're going to drink beer then pose with the beer.. it's the lies. It's not feeling comfortable not even in my own family's home.

She thanked me for keeping the Kiddo for them. "I did it for my son and for her." I was done. I couldn't even summon the fake smile. I'm his mother.. I worry about him and what she'll do to him and his daughter. But I had to leave. I had to get some honesty back in my life because a fake smile, no matter how bizaare you imagine it is still an ugly thing to wear.

A fake smile is, by it's very nature, a lie and I hate lying.

Halloween.. I still don't know what the Kiddo is going to be for Halloween but her dad said they would be here later this evening.

But, today isn't just about Halloween.. at least for her. She tested out on her yellow belt. The instructor was given 7 or 8 students to test today but this time they were all different belts! This translated into a combination of a very long class and alot of down time for her. She didn't behave through the whole class but at the end of class the instructor told her she needed to put all that playing and all those little things she thinks of in a box. This box she needs to keep at home so she can dance and play at home all she wants but focus in Tae Kwon Doh.

But in the end she did pass her test for yellow belt and the instructor needs a special belt for him. She was not the worst behaved in this group of children that he's trying to test. It was hard for him and I REALLY, REALLY hope this instructor stays on. There is a chance he might not.

Anyway, it finally let out and my son, who left his phone in the car so it wouldn't disturb the class, picked it up and called someone.. you know who. He got voice mail and left this message, "I left my phone in my mom's car but I think it's pathetic you couldn't make it." and hung up. Nothing more.

Chances are he will be here with the mother to trick or treat.. my husband doesn't want her here. Ever. She's not someone we trust. He's been around too many drug addicts to not trust anyone around the house or where those things that we make a living with are here.. and trust me.. this includes his own children. He won't change that just because others think it's fair to the Kiddo.

My daughter is having a halloween party and I'd like to go but kids will be trick or treating and she lives an hour and a half away.. We can't be in two places at one time. I'd rather be at her house!!! To those that come here and read these regular updates.. I do so hope you have a happy halloween. It's just not the same to me anymore. I miss having my kids here and making costumes, trick or treating and making jack o lanterns. I miss all of that!